and this is where i say it all...

Journal

2011-05-07T23:32:00.004+08:00

An extract from the journal assignment that I write weekly

For this week I’ve realized that I’m stressed about a lot of little things, and these many little stresses kind of accumulate and giving me an even bigger stress. Stuff like how my bicycle’s lock key snapped last Friday, how hot the weather temperature is lately and many other things.

I guess some of my course mates have it easy. I feel like they don’t really understand how difficult it is for us people who are studying abroad from our hometown, without our parents and close relatives. I’m just glad I have Champ as my good friend because since he’s also not local, I guess he understands me the most. The others don’t really understand that we have to cook for ourselves, pay our own bills, budget every month’s allowance, do all the house chores by ourselves and etc. Like for example, sometimes they would plan an outing to go for movies or a karaoke session. It’s not that I do not like joining these sessions but then my allowance from JPA is still not here so what is happening is that basically I am surviving off my savings from last year and to be honest, it’s running out. That’s why I’m trying not to waste on unnecessary spending. But I guess they just don’t understand. When I tell them I have other expenses I need to cover they say I’m giving excuses.

I guess that explains the fact that I get very annoyed whenever someone is not understanding towards other people. I don’t understand why they are so selfish and never put others in consideration at all. I mean, come on! The world clearly does not revolve around you, please be caring and think about others. Why is it that we must follow your suggestions? Why is it that we must agree to your opinions?

There’s one thing that I have always been holding onto in life and that is I will rarely share my feelings with others. I am not a person who wears my heart on my sleeves and hence, you’ll rarely hear me sharing my problems and feelings with anyone. If I do share my problems with someone, that person will have to be someone I very much trust, someone like a best friend that I have that's a thousand miles away from me now. Sometimes it does get difficult as it is always a good thing to share my problems with someone but I feel like I do not have the right to pour out my problems to someone else since they have their own problems to handle as well. So the only way I vent is by writing and do pardon me if this journal sounds rather vent-y. I do hope you’ll understand.

I guess another thing is that I rarely forgive myself for the wrongdoings that I’ve done. I won’t elaborate further on this topic as it’s a bit difficult for me but I am still trying to find ways to let go of this.

Miracles

2011-04-02T10:31:00.000+08:00

You know where once in a while, miracles will happen...

at the moment when you least expects it...

I'VE JUST WON THE 2ND PRIZE!!!

OMG I AM GOING TO HONG KONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired.

2011-03-01T18:03:00.001+08:00

It's been about 10 days since I've arrived in KL.

I am loving the big city, definitely.

I have lots of good friends, no doubt.

Everything seems fine.

But I am tired. I am very very tired. I feel like there's so much to do, and it's only week one of class. I've heard week one is usually honeymoon week.

I am scared.

I want to talk about it but I don't want to. I don't understand as well. Some people give crappy advice, some people look down on you, some people are just not a good listener.

Why must med books cost a bomb as well. I miss being in form 6, where we're told to buy specific books, and most of them cost nothing more than RM50.

Suck it up terr. You have another 5 years to go.

looking for an angel...

2011-01-28T00:21:00.001+08:00

Hi everyone. Anyway got the chatbox up again. hahaha after deleting all those strange and weird and stupid comments that were in there

Anyway, I'm still contemplating on whether it is safe to open up my blog to the public again. Hmm should I?

---

Okay so I would like to introduce a favourite hobby of mine, stamp collection! uhm to be more specific, first day cover collection!

Just a simple definition of first day cover from about.com for those of you who have no idea what am I talking about.

"A first day cover is a stamped envelope, postal card or other postal material that was processed at the post office where the stamp was issued, and has a cancellation indicating the same. The cancellation will often be specially designed for the occasion and frequently will say "First Day of Issue(FDI)" or something similar. Depending on the postal authority there may be a ceremony to commemorate the first day of issue."

Anyway, so this month there was a FDI on "haiwan peliharaan kanak-kanak" (children's pets). The stamps are super cute so I really wanted it. Problem was that it was sold out when i got there X.X super annoying. So now I'm searching on the internet hoping someone will sell it to me.

The FDC that I was supposed to buy.

The other FDC in conjunction with CNY

Bah, since the FDC was all sold out, what left was just the stamp. But for the stamp, only the bunny and the cat was still available. The doggy stamps were all sold out! O.O unbelievable!

Cats!

BUNNIESS!

Of all the stamps that I have collected, I think these stamps are the nicest POS malaysia has ever printed. I love the picture and the details of the animal. It looked so real!

...

2011-01-25T18:59:00.003+08:00

Something happened. Something bad happened in which I do not want to elaborate any further.

All I wanna say is that, sorry. Sorry that I am so useless.

I'm sorry that I am so useless to the point that whatever things I do, I get scolded. I get reprimanded. I get yelled at.

Why is it that everything that I do, I get scolded? Every decision that I make, I get yelled at? Why? Do you know how much you've hurt me? To the point that whenever I make a decision or say something I am always in fear.

Am I really that worthless? Am I really that useless? Do you really hate me that much?

You all have really pushed me off the edge this time.

"An adrenaline rush can be a wonderful thing, and a dangerous thing as well. The rush produces insane energy temporarily. At that particular moment, the person may lose his/her ability to think and may do whatever he/she likes"

fuh..

addiction pt 2

2011-01-25T17:15:00.000+08:00

I have totally forgotten how I used to love listening to this song! Stumbled upon it just now while browsing through videos on youtube and boy did it bring back memories!

been years and this song is still amazing.

addiction.

2011-01-25T15:50:00.000+08:00

Addicted to this song thanks to fellow blogger friend Lawrence.

really? like, really?

2011-01-23T01:15:00.000+08:00

I do not understand why some people just hates Malaysia so much!

*warning, ranting posts ahead, full of angst. Proceed with caution.*

I mean seriously! I for one do not think Malaysia is that bad!! I've been living in Malaysia for 20 years and I find it amazing! I do not understand why some people just starts arguing with me whenever I start supporting Malaysia in some stuff. I mean, seriously! For the love of god you've been staying in this country as well and you've turned out fine! What is there so much to hate about Malaysia?? Okay fine maybe we've got corrupted governments who probably made this country more broke than ever in history but other than that it's all good!

Malay people? Some of them are amazing! Okay so you're telling me some of them are extremists and racists? Well guess what, some of us chinese are as well!! Like seriously, check yourself in the mirror before blaming others for what they've done because obviously we've done it as well. BM is a stupid language? Well guess what, you'll realise how useful it is when you're trying to yell at some rude chinaman without him having a single idea what you're talking about. it DEFINITELY comes in handy sometimes.

There's still so much of Malaysia to talk about! Amazing food we can get, not just in sibu but in Kl melaka and PENANG!! then there's the annual mega sales, not as good as the one in singapore but hey I'm not complaining! We're also the country that gave birth to the world's best airline, world's tallest twin tower and the world's best airport! Vacations in malaysia can be awesome as well. Breathtaking sunset scenery, stunning views of the crocker range and the evergreen tropical forests! Hahahah these are just some of the things i loooove about Malaysia.

So hey I seriously get pissed off whenever people starts bad mouthing about Malaysia to the point where Malaysia seems as bad as some inhabitable third world country or worse. I mean seriously people, if it was that bad you'll be dead by now.

fun read!

2011-01-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

Just got these today. It's actually a novella that tells the story of Eclipse from another point of view. Haven't started reading yet but while I was browsing through it at the bookstore it looked really interesting!

Apparently I'll get addicted easily to these kinds of novels, particularly novels which are in series or sagas. Cause when I start one, I have to finish all. Whenever I buy one of it, in the end I'll buy all. Take for example, Harry Potter and Twilight! I have all of them. Never missed any of it. Some of them are collector's edition, some are just normal ones. hahhaah!

The next few series of novels I'm aiming at would be The chronicles of narnia, percy jacksons, and the vampire diaries. Well, we'll see what happens. =)

uhh. right.

2011-01-20T00:49:00.001+08:00

AAAAAnywayyyyy... I was listenin to beyonce's single ladies and suddenly an idea struck me!

Because before this, I've heard of English songs being covered by our local malay artist. And the songs were translated into BM..

So how would single ladies sounds like in bm?

Semua perempuan bujang, semua perempuan bujang

Sekarang angkatkan tangan anda
Di dalam kelab, baru saje putus cinta, saya buatkan kerja sebenar saya
Memutuskan untuk celup, dan sekarang anda ingin trip
Kerana satu lagi abang ternampak saya

Saya diatas dia, dia diatas saya
Jangan tumpu perhatian kepada dia
Baru sahaja menangis, selama tiga tahun
Anda tidak boleh marah dengan saya

Kerana jikalau anda suka maka haruslah simpan satu cincin diatasnya
Jikalau anda suka maka haruslah simpan satu cincin diatasnya
Jangan marah kalau dia nakkan
Kerana jikalau anda suka maka haruslah simpan satu cincin diatasnya
Oh oh oh.

annnd i couldnt bear to continue.

some songs are not meant to be translated.

Imagine britney spear's Toxic.

Dengan rasa bibir anda, saya dalam perjalanan
Kau racun, saya tergelincir di bawah

Original lyrics:
with a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slippin under

Eclipse - The Twilight Saga.

2011-01-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

So today, after many many failed attempts of downloading it, I've finally managed to download Eclipse (and watch it in the same day!).

Oooh~ So haunting.

And all I've got to say is that eclipse is definitely better than New Moon. NM was slow, draggy. The storyline was rather boring, even though it was superbly written in the novel.

boo~

I guess the director failed to portray the suspense and the emotions in the novel. But eclipse did manage to capture a lil bit more of that. But overall I still think that twilight was the best. NM and eclipse wasn't able to reach the same level of hype as twilight did.

Stare into my eyes~~ I shall hypnotize you!!! @.@

Riley and his ka-kias

Carlisle: Please don't fall off the cliff Esme. I will die of embarrassment.

It's annoying how all Bella wants is to have sex. -.-

No Jacob. You may not borrow her.

Jane: Why am I so short...

Anyway, cannot wait for breaking dawn!! =D

ATTACKED!!!!

2011-01-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

I WAS ATTACKED!!!!

..by plants! =D Bougainvilleas to be exact. Hahaha

Well I was re-potting those babies of mine and my oh my were they thorny(not horny)!

Look at those scratches!

Looked like I was mauled by some crazy cat

Damn painful u know!!

OH NO!

2011-01-16T00:16:00.002+08:00

I HAVE BEEN ATTACKED BY THE HALLYU!!

INSANELY OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG!

btw do you all think this song sounds almost like Lady Gaga's Telephone? Just saying tho. LOL still, addicted addicted.

hurt.

2011-01-12T22:36:00.008+08:00

last name.
Show encrypted text

New Year Resolution.

2011-01-02T00:22:00.002+08:00

I CANNOT BELIEVE I TOTALLY FORGOT TO MAKE A NEW YEAR RESOLUTION LAST YEAR!

I was looking through my last year's post and I'd realised that I did not make any resolution last year! How pathetic! Failure! No goals accomplished!

But anyway even though there were no resolution but I still think 2010 has been a fruitful year.

SO! This time I do remember to make my resolution! hahaa

2011 resolution

1) Pass my first year uni with flying colours

2) Be physically healthier, fitter, exercise more. (gonna get that washboard abs =D)

3) Learn to be thrifty

4) To be a better person, stop complaining, start appreciating. Argue less.

and just something for everyone in the coming year,
1) Better economy for the country
2) better financial stability for everyone
3) World peace, no war,

What's your resolution? =)

NYE

2010-12-31T08:00:00.000+08:00

WOW seriously cannot believe how time flies! It's officially NYE people!!

Ahh, 2010 has been a crazy crazy year. Let's see what amazing things have happened this year..

1) Started off brilliantly with the release of my STPM results. 3As! Happiest day of this year. =D

2) Got a job offer to teach in SMK Methodist. Gotta say this must've been the best experience of my entire life. Bittersweet. Miss the students, miss some of my colleagues, but I do not miss the workload. haha!!

Candid shot by my students. LOL

Me with my students!

My surprise farewell party!

3) Had the privilege to volunteer in a hospital for a week! That was a very interesting experience.

4) Lea and adrian during summer breaks. Yeap the lots came back again! Always the happiest time. Whenever I'm bored or they are bored I'll always be at their place hanging around.

Sushi time!

No comment.

Typical tea time!

5) Then it was off to Beijing! Was definitely a great trip. Had lots of fun with my family, and meeting new people as well!

Fun with sis!

Fun in China!

Well overall this year was definitely another great year! And I'm sure next year is gonna be even better, and I hope it's the same for everyone as well! =D

Helpless..

2010-12-31T00:00:00.002+08:00

" Please be informed that he just have to leave the situation as it is until the JPA office send us the list of JPA qualifying students."

This is why i feel so helpless right now. My ed consultant just helped me emailed a Monash representative and this was what I've got.

I handed in my acceptance form at the beginning of the month and all I wanted was a clarification on whether they have received my acceptance form. This is because JPA asked me not to pay any of the fees first so that there will not be any double pay cases later. But then Monash insisted that in order for me to accept this offer, I must pay an initial fee equivalent to the tuition fee for a semester.

Hence, I gave my ed. consultant a call this morning, telling her of the situation. She understands, and she said she'll help me settle it immediately. So she sent them an email and this was the reply she got from them. This made me really restless. Yes I do worry alot. Now I am worried. What if things go wrong. This is like, my last and only chance of going into university. I am not going to ruin it.

I really need a miracle.

Things I Wanna Do When I'm In KL.

2010-12-30T00:00:00.036+08:00

So I've been doing these mental checklist on what would be the things I really would like to do when I start my studies in KL. Of course, my priority would still be studying, but these are just the other things I would do during my past time/holidays.

I would like:-
a) to visit Putrajaya. I've heard it's one of the most beautiful city in the entire Malaysia.
b) to attend a performance by the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra.
c) to go and have drinks with my friends at Skybar. (For more info: Click here, and here)
d) to have a trip with my friends to Genting
e) to have a trip to Pulau Langkawi
f) to rent a BMW or a Mercedes and drive around town the entire day
g) to attempt a fine dining experience during the Malaysian International Gourmet Festival
h) to have a gym membership
*edited*
i) to visit Penang (and try out all the food!)

and some things which I really wish I can do
i) to never fail any of my exams
j) to never get robbed.
HAHAH!

Will update the list when I think of more! LOL

dear you,

2010-12-29T19:29:00.001+08:00

Anyone who knows me should know that I rarely listen to songs in which, I'll have a hard time understanding the lyrics.

..and that includes mandarin songs.

So you'll never see me listening to raps by Jay Chou(God knows what is he talking about) or some songs about "sorry" by SuperJunior.
And I can honestly say I'd never listened to more than 5 Japanese songs before. The only Japanese song that I'd listened to the most would be Doraemon's theme song (tottemo daisuki~)

But once in a while you come across some songs, that even though you dont quite understand what are they singing, but the way they sing it shows how meaningful the song is.

And mind you, those songs are really good.

I don't remember if I've ever introduced this song in my blog, but oh well..

Angela Aki - Tegami
She's actually half Japanese, half Italian. Which explains why she doesn't really look like a Japanese. =D

Changi

2010-12-29T14:45:00.000+08:00

Changi is a very bad place I tell you. A very very bad place.

Bought these chocs and another wallet from Tumi. With all the duty free prices and such, no wonder changi brings out the shopaholicness in everyone. I almost went mad when I went into Burberry. Too bad my parents were there, or else I would've bought some stuffs(or maybe it's a good thing they were there after all XD).

And let's not get started on the liquers!

Changi is evil i tell you. And I'm in love with that place!

After 13 years..

2010-12-28T18:52:00.002+08:00

I remember the first time I was on board of a plane, I was 7 years old. Sibu to Kuala Lumpur, via Malaysia Airlines.

It was one of the most thrilling experience of my life. Since the flight was during sunset, the view across the horizon was amazing. And the view when we arrived at KL was spectacular. The lights, the skyscrapers, the night view of the city's skyline from the plane.

Ever since then, I could not wait to travel to many more countries.

During my trip to china, all my flights were on SQ. And I've got to say, Malaysia Airlines is still the best.

Not that I have anything against Singapore (I ADORE changi), but then the service I get on SQ is just, not the same. I mean, it's good, no doubt. But then the cabin crews were kinda..uhm..hostile. The food was not that great, but the cocktails were amazing! LOL

Been with them since the ticketing days all the way to the ticketless eras. So, after 13 years, MAS still is my most favourite airline. Never failed me. Do you believe that even though I've flown so many times with MAS, not once were my flights ever delayed! Ha!

And yes the meal is definitely nicer! hee!

And there's a reason why it has won more than 100 awards in the last 10 years!

So yea, this post is mainly a tribute to malaysia airline. =)

Airasia? hopeless. never will i ever be bothered to consider flying on airasia. a few bad experience and i'm through. =(

Lost.

2010-12-26T10:04:00.000+08:00

I really don't know who to trust with my feelings and problems anymore.

Definitely not my family because they will judge.

Before this I'll usually have a few friends to talk to, but now that they are all in uni, I feel really awkward disrupting their activities with my problems. Some are busy with relationships, some are busy with books and studies, others are busy with their new friends. Eventually the group of friends who were always there to listen to my problems disappears.

I find it hard to trust anyone anymore. Too many things have happened throughout my life that has taught me to never trust anyone unless they've earned it.

Only a handful of people have access to this blog, and that's because I trust them with my thoughts and problems. I know they will not judge. I know they will not slander.

So after a while, blog becomes my outlet to vent on whenever I have issues and problems. And yes I plan to keep it that way.

If you find my posts boring, uneducated or just plain stupid, I suggest that you may leave. If you're willing to listen and give a comment or two, I'll thank you with my whole heart. Maybe even a hug the next time I see you XD

I am very confused right now.

2010-12-24T10:06:00.001+08:00

You told me we're on limited budget when I suggested that I might need to buy something. Okay I accept.

But you brought us to China. Which is confusing.

But you said that's for everyone's good. Everyone came home happy..

...who said everyone was happy? Half of the time I was scolded and blamed for things I did on accident or things that I did not do on purpose.

You still allow S to buy lots of stuff, even when he's not earning money and all the money comes from you..

..but everything I buy comes out from my own salary and pocket money. You never did gave me anymore pocket money but that I understand. You have a tight budget.

but WHAT i really don't understand is that why do you all ALWAYS side with S whenever he has an argument with me. ALL THE TIME. even when stuffs I say makes some sense and his' completely makes no sense. You all's point blank argument will go on until I am left speechless..

..does that satisfy you? Am I really that useless? Don't I mean something to anyone at all?

eeeeeeeeeeverybody wants to be a critic.

2010-12-23T17:42:00.001+08:00

Well, you loved criticizing whatever I wrote,

Whatever events that have happened, you’ll always have a thing or two to say.

Whenever I get upset YOU were also the one making fun of me..

I asked you to leave me alone, I asked you to leave this blog alone if you weren’t happy with what I wrote, you said, “I have my rights to read anything I want.”

Right. Fine.

You’ve done enough. Now it’s my turn.

Now you’ll never disturb me ever again. =D

hiatus

2010-12-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

Sorry peeps, gonna leave this blog for a moment. Stuffs happened which made me realise that it's too dangerous to talk openly here anymore. This blog has gone too public.

I'll be back when the time is right.

guilty

2010-11-27T17:25:00.000+08:00

Now I feel super guilty.

I was suppose to tutor one of my students this morning since he had asked for it yesterday night. But at the same time one of my besties wanted to have breakfast with me. So hence i told my students if he could just wait for me to maybe finish my breakfast then maybe we can still meet up and do our tutoring.

And so after I've finished my breakfast, I texted him, as promised. But then there were no replies from him. One text, two texts,....three texts after, still no reply!!

Did he waited for too long and hence got upset or is he just busy? I would like to say busy but seems like he's busy for a really long time!

Guilty! Guilty as charged! Off with yer head!

self confidence?

2010-11-26T00:20:00.000+08:00

No idea what drove me to write about this post, but anyway, as mentioned above, I've decided to talk about self confidence today!

To be honest, I do not think I have a high self-confidence level. To be honest, I don't think I have self-confidence at all. Hahah I guess I don't think I have any acheivements to be proud off. I mean like, growing up, I was constantly compared to my brother. He was the hardworking and bright student whereas I was the weak and lazy student. So I constantly get stuff like, "Why are you so lazy?" or "Why did you get such poor results? If only you have studied harder!". I guess that's where my confidence level started to drop. Since I was always weaker in my studies compared to my bro, I started believing that maybe I can only be second best my entire life. Not to mention my brother was already good looking ever since young and, well, I was short, fat and ugly.

Then during my secondary school years, there were a few occasion that really struck me hard. I remember I was always kinda bad in my mathematics especially during my lower secondary years. So there was once where I almost failed my maths and that's when my dad scolded me the worst. I could actually feel his disappointment in the tone he was using. I was really heartbroken that time. I thought, why am I so terrible? How could I have let him down so much? And this was not just once, but a few times as well. And considering my siblings were all good in maths so this kinda made me upset even more. I guess this is when my confidence level started dropping. I was thinking, everyone's at least good in something, some in studies, some in sports, others in co-curricular activities. How come I'm good in nothing?

But then the first time I studied chemistry I was really happy because I finally found a subject which I can really learn and absorb well. I was really proud of myself at that very moment. That's when some people started asking me to tutor them chemistry and I would gladly accept because I thought it'll be great to help them out. Up till one day one of my friends came up to me asked me a question on chemistry and I could not answer it. to quote him, "oh you dont know this? I thought you were brilliant in chemistry! ah well, nvm then. everyone have their flaws" and yes that totally broke my heart.

haha so i guess that's how i ended up feeling kinda crappy about myself. whenever anyone tells me that i'm good in something i'll tell them that there are other people way better than me. Even for my stpm results. Good? I don't think so because other people are getting 4As. What am I to be proud of? So yea, half of the time I can hardly believe in myself and most of the time I don't feel confident at all. and all of these goes on for so long that eventually you'll get attached to such emotions and it's really hard to get rid of them.

and yes, I am worried about medical school, after all those discouraging words by relatives and friends.

p/s: do i write better posts when I'm emo? lol!

cuteness overload

2010-11-25T11:14:00.003+08:00

I swear. This has to be the cutest thing I've seen this year. It's so cute I'm gonna die. Uhm, figuratively of course. XD

Anyway, I miss being a kid.

23 Random Facts.

2010-11-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

This is just one of those "tag-games" where one person tags you and you'll have to do the game as well. Well, since I have all the time in this world now, I'll just play along! hahaha anyway these are just really random facts about me that I can think of right now. uhm, well, be bored! =D

1) I have the most tilted rib cage and bent backbone anyone has ever seen. Once I did an X-ray and the doctor was kinda shocked as to how bent my backbone was. Nope it's not straight down from the Atlas all the way to Coccygeal verterbrae. and my rib cage is kinda tilted, like the right side is slightly higher than the left side. So as to what the doctor said, these 2 causes me to hunch my back, a lot. so it gets kinda difficult if i keep a straight posture for a long period of time.

2) I wear a size 9 shoe? hahaha

3) I've been wearing spectacles since i was 12 years old and it has been anything but fun.

4) My all time favourite band is still Muse but then i'm currently addicted to The Script.

5) The few places I would really like to visit are LA, NYC, London, Paris, Bora Bora, Maldives, Stockholm, Iceland. =D

6) My most favourite subject in school would most probably be chemistry.

7) I was, am and still am single.

8) I try to look happy most of the time, even when I am not.

9) My most favourite time of the year is Christmas. I remember when I was young I'll usually be the one helping my mum decorate the christmas tree while my other siblings play. I don't know why but I was very willing to sacrifice my playtime just for that christmas tree. And now I'll be the one setting up the tree every year. =D

10) The only international places that I've been to are Singapore and Brunei Darusallam.

11) I was born on the 17th of December. I'm super happy with my birthdate since it in the holiday seasons..

12) ..but I've never had a birthday party with friends before because none wants to attend since they'll all be too busy travelling. hahahah

13) I feel most loved whenever someone spends time with me, not when they buy me stuff as how many of my friends think. I'll be so willing to drop whatever that I am doing and talk/meet a friend whenever they want.

14) I can be super shy when I'm meeting strangers or new people.

15) I am 185cm tall. =D

16) I love tea. Darjeeling, Chamomile, Earl Grey, Assam, English Breakfast and Afternoon, Chai, Japanese Ocha, white tea, black tea, yellow tea, you name it. =)

17) I always sleep with a blanket, no matter how warm the temperature is. And I'll need to hug a pillow. Without these 2 I will not be able to fall asleep.

18) I can speak mandarin but I cannot write nor read. Yes I can be classified as a real life living banana.

19) I hate conflicts. I used to have this really bad temper which usually ends up having everyone hating me but now I try to be super nice to everyone. I'll be paranoid if one day any of my friends get upset at me. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid arguments and fights with my friends. Sometimes I'll even be the one surrendering in an argument even tho it isn't my fault

20) I have tons of nicknames, such as terry, terr, ren , renster, chiew, rence, tc, t, etc.

21) I am a neat freak. I'll go crazy if anyone digs their nose in public.

22) Because of point number 19, I am an easy victim for bullying. heh.

23) I dislike being in a crowd, because that's when I'll feel the loneliest.

well that was incredibly random.. LOL

whhaaa??

2010-11-20T22:18:00.001+08:00

Remember "The Little Red Riding Hood?" The story that we've all heard and come to love when we were young??

WHAT in the world happened to that?? I don't recall it as being so gothic and horrifying.

done.

2010-11-19T13:48:00.002+08:00

After 8 months, approximately 240 days and many classes after...

..my work is officially done.

Today was my last day of work. It was very sad, let me tell you. I'd never expected myself to feel this way to be honest. If you were to ask me few months ago if I was excited for this day, I would've happily answered yes...

..but now it seems otherwise. Really reluctant to go.

As I punched out my card for the very last time, the reality finally sank in. I was really gonna leave this school. No more coming early in the morning. No more getting ready for classes. No more exercises to prepare. No more looking forward to meeting the students.

I managed to not show too much emotion when I said my goodbyes to all my colleague, who were all once my teachers. I was still laughing and making jokes with them. But when packed up my stuff and started walking towards my car, that's when I started feeling really sad. I took a last look at the classes where I used to teach, the stairs I'll take every single time, the hall where we'll have our assembly every single time..

..I took a good look around the school.

I am going to miss this place. Never for the reason of work, but the memories.

Started out as a naive student, knowing nothing...

...leaving as a teacher, full of memories.

5 hoover. Thank you for the amazing experience. Most teachers dread going to your class, but I look forward to meeting you guys everyday. You all are amazing people. Indirectly, we all became good friends.

5 jujur. Thank you as well. You all showed me that nothing is impossible. You all were able to do anything. Thanks for all the laughter and joy.

4 galileo. You all were the hardest to teach, in my opinion. Hyperactive and restless, instead, you all managed to teach me the meaning of patience and perseverance. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. With that, I thank you as well.

and to 4 newton, 5 newton and all the other classes. even though our time together was short, but it was fun while it lasted. =) thank you as well..

Till we meet again.

it's the most wonderful time of the year..

2010-11-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

You know what I look forward to every year??

The time when Yahoo! Music starts playing Christmas songs!!! That's when you know Christmas is near..

Today while I was turning on my Yahoo! Music player...

"Clicks on genre.."

"..browsing through genre.."

"*spots something* O.O ... is that WHAT I THINK IT IS???"

"Holiday genre - Play Holiday Pop"

"!!!!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

yes i truly adore christmas. =)

Gavin Mikhail

2010-11-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

This is a very brilliant cover version of Natasha's song done by him. It's the first time I heard of him and I was BLOWN AWAY by his voice. Seriously amazing. What a talent. =D

enjoy

dead man walking

2010-11-03T22:47:00.001+08:00

currently addicted to this song by the script. enjoy!

this is hilarious.

2010-11-02T21:13:00.002+08:00

everyone! try this one out!!

1) Go onto google
2) Go onto google maps
3) Click get directions
4) Put Japan in the first box and USA on the second
5) Go down to 27
6) Laugh

okay i swear i did not expect that at all!!! what brilliant ideas google maps have. we should really try that out. XD

...

2010-10-30T22:48:00.003+08:00

a major let-down when you care for someone so much and try to be a good friend to them but they never appreciate your effort.

your way of rejecting was a real stab in the heart, just to let you know.

sorry people. going through a difficult time right now. there's just too much to handle.

and to you: sorry. things are gonna change from now on. not gonna be pushed around anymore.

want!

2010-10-17T17:51:00.000+08:00

A Polaroid Classic Instant camera!

I'm not trying to be greedy but this thing looks like fun! I wanna have one!

reminiscing.

2010-10-14T19:55:00.006+08:00

He Mele No Lilo - Original Soundtrack from the 2002 Disney Animated Film "Lilo & Stitch"

This song definitely brings back memories. I remember when I first watched this movie i was very intrigued by the storyline. Noo... not because of the aliens, but because of the culture and the musics.

Call me childish. I don't know about you all but I would definitely like to feel young again (not that i am not young now XD) once in a while. =) And yes, I loved this song when I first heard it and now I still love it!

I dream of rain..

2010-10-10T22:25:00.001+08:00

Sting ft Cheb Mami - Desert Rose

It was almost 10 years ago since the first time I heard this song. Back then I loved it!!

And after 10 years I still love it!! I like the very "middle-eastern" rhythm and distinct world-music feel kinda thingy! Hahah!

Anyhoo, enjoy!

troubled.

2010-10-08T22:06:00.001+08:00

I seriously have no idea what I should do. I feel like every single step I make is not gonna be ok. =(

This is the situation. Basically I am teaching a Form 4 class right now and they are giving me a hard time. No they are not rude or anything. They are just really talkative. They talk and talk all the time, even when I am teaching. Even when I give them exercises to do they'll still be talking. And when I do finally ask them to pass up their homeworks some of them just copy from their friends. I feel like all they are doing is just taking advantage of me you see. And the problem is that I really want to be kind to them because I feel like if all their teachers are mean and fierce to them their schooling life is gonna be one hell to go through. In the meantime if i am not fierce to them I am afraid that they are gonna further take advantage of this situation. And when the final exam results come out I really dont wanna imagine what's gonna happen.

So what should I do? be nice to them but be fierce to them occasionally? I seriously don't know.

Meanwhile, my form 5 classes are making my life very much better. they are really a fun bunch of people. i look forward to their classes everyday.

I still have a week worth of lesson plan to type out. I have the final's testpapers to worry about, wondering if there are any mistakes in it or if every classes have enough copies in there. I'm still trying to figure out what am I gonna do for the Form 4 students considering only some of them want to listen to me doing revision with them. Half of the time I'm wondering if i will be able to mark the Form 5 final testpapers in time since the exam is just next week and maths is at the very end of the exam period. I'm thinking of the revision programme for the Form 5 students after their finals and what am I suppose to let them do. Most of the time I'm worried my boss is not happy with what I am doing and if the results drop this time I am the one to blame.

I know these sounds like a "no big deal" to any of you but i beg you pleasee don't judge me or criticise me because I am greatly saturated with criticism from my workplace, i dont need any more dosage of that thanks. Just let me wallow through my troubles and misery for now and I'll be fine later.

Stop and just look around.

2010-10-08T16:44:00.005+08:00

This is one of the new song from David Archuleta's new album. Am still listening through the entire album and so far it's sounding brilliant! Can't wait to go and buy the album!

Anyway, happy listening! I love this song's happy and cheery vibe.

Keep on running
And you'll never get to feel the moment
It's like you're sleeping
'Cause you don't take the time to take it in

Like a train wreck
You're on a mission
Tunnel vision, got you blinded
Better slow down, before you lose ground
It'll happen anyway
Paint it over if your world is gray

When you close your eyes to see the view
You miss everything surrounding you
Stop and just
Look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around

You can build your life right on air
What you need will always be there
You stop and just look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around you

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around

Shut the window tight
But it's raining on the inside
Do you realize you're getting nowhere
But it's all laid out for you
Cut the ribbon if it starts to fray

You found a loophole that you fell in
Now you're treading water
You gotta see the hand, for it pull you out

When you close your eyes to see the view
You miss everything surrounding you
Stop and just
Look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around

You can build your life right on air
What you need will always be there
Stop and just look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around you

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around

Look around

Westlife - Safe

2010-10-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

I love this song!

Hard to find a way to get through
It's a tragedy
Pulling at me like the stars do
You're like gravity
Even if the wind blows
It makes it hard to believe

How ya gonna love
How ya gonna feel
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real
And If you lost your way
I will keep you safe
We'll open up all the world inside
I see it come alive tonight
I will keep you safe

Doesn't even matter to you
To see what I can see
I'm crawling on the floor to reach you
I'm a wreck you see
When you're far from home now
Makes it hard to believe

We all fall down
We all feel down
Cus rainy days and summer highs
The more we pray the more we feel alive

How ya gonna love
How ya gonna feel
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real
How ya gonna love
How ya gonna feel
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real

If you've lost your way
I will keep you safe
Well open up all your world inside
So you come alive tonight
I will keep you safe

of being overloaded.

2010-10-05T14:45:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone. Sorry I've been busy for the past few days. Had so much to do that half of the times I thought I was gonna pass out! Anyway I'd survived and I still have 3 more days to survive for this week.. =(

The reason that I'm beginning to be so busy is because one of our school's maths teacher had just went off for her maternity leave and I am the one who is suppose to replace her - which explains the sudden influx of workload. Capped with my usual sit-ins and helping out with other teachers, I had one hell of a schedule to run about! Like for example, for this week most of the teachers will be off to other schools since they were appointed as the supervisors for the PMR examination. Hence I was assigned to cover 2 of the teacher's classes. When I compared the 3 of us' timetables, apparently some of the time I am required to be at 3 places at once! i was like "wth?" so hence i told them no i can't do it but eventually they just gave me a few periods, which, if i add it up to my own classes, is still quite a lot. I have 6 continuous lessons for tomorrow =(

I don't know. Some of my colleagues are telling me that I'm being pushed around, easily bullied. But I dont want to be rude and say no to them! I mean, they were my teachers and I still feel like they are my superiors most of the time. bahh. headache.

usually after school i will have to go home and start working on tomorrow's lesson. i'll also have to prepare for the lesson plan and such. I have questions to go through and answers to prepare.

Yes I do like being busy as it keeps my mind off from certain things. I like having stuff to do and occupying myself with works. But sometimes it can be very hectic and wearing if the workload tends to get too heavy.

beyond the brink of exhaution

2010-09-29T22:28:00.002+08:00

This has been a really bad week. A really very bad week. To be honest, this has been a tough month. And i feel like this pain-in-the-rear hecticness is about to continue to the next month as well..

Next week is gonna be a bitch to survive through. Bah.

And when nobody gives a damn, that's when things just get worse.

well, that's not surprising.

Why would anyone be bothered to care about your sorrow.

I'll be back.

Who do you think you are?

2010-09-26T22:16:00.002+08:00

Christina Perri - Jar of hearts.

It's a really good song. Plus, the lyrics are very meaningful.

I know I cant take one more step towards you
Cause all thats waiting is regret
And don't you know im not your ghost anymore
You lost the love
I loved the most

I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all you're promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are
runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Telephone - Glee version

2010-09-25T14:23:00.001+08:00

I prefer this cover! Sounds fresher when it's sung by Charice and Lea!

the middle of autumn.

2010-09-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

First of all, Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone! I hope you all had/will have a good view of the moon!

Well, quite frankly, I have no idea why is it called the Mid-Autumn festival, considering it's not exactly the middle of autumn i guess. But according to wikipedia, it actually marks the start of autumn, since the date is parallel to the autumnal equinox of the solar calendar.

But anyhow, like all the other chinese festival, this one also has it's own legends. ~~It was believed that...~~ you know what, after reading the story about the festival, I don't even feel like talking about it anymore because it feels like an extract from a fable - minus the moral values. Like seriously! Why on earth is a bunny and a lady on a moon. Better yet, how did they get there in the first place!

I bet they'll be feeling like desmond the moon bear.

But anyway, if you're really interested in the story, there's some information on wikipedia (links here!).

Dear Mr. Moon, you're awfully bright tonight!

This is almost customary, a must-do for every year.

In the beginning my mum would usually help me with the candles and stuff. But since one can only replace so many candles before you get bored, she decided to give up then. And considering that I was probably the only person in the family who is the most gungho about doing these stuffs, I took the responsibility of replacing all the candles in the lantern once it finishes...

Illuminating through the darkness~

But of course, eventually you yourself will get tired as well right.. hehehe

Comes in many different colours..

Albeit being a quiet one this year, it was still rather fun!

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone!

till then. x

heartless.

2010-09-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

You know, it's already painful enough that I've lost my wallet..

..but to have people constantly telling me stuff like serves you right and you deserve it really is just rubbing salt into my wounds. Like seriously, can you be any more heartless?

I know it's my fault, I know it's me being careless, but there's no need to rub it in my face! I get it okay, i seriously do. There's no need to remind me constantly. I'm trying to move on okay and you're not helping at all.

How would you feel if I turn the table around right now eh? Would you be all jolly and jumping for joy while I continue to mock you for your mishaps?

unbelievable.

aftermath

2010-09-18T09:09:00.002+08:00

A lot of things still have not sunk in yet, sometimes I'll still be looking for it, hoping to find it. It's still heartbreaking to think of it, I've got to be honest. And there are so many times I blame myself for everything. I just hope my dad doesn't get too upset at me for losing his 12 years old LV.

Yes I am still upset. I don't know what to say. I had quite a sum of money in there last night, was thinking of depositing it into the bank later on. They were all my earnings for this month's tutoring.

Now all I can think of is what if I had been more careful? What if I had done this, or what if I had done that instead? A lot of what ifs are going through my mind now.

it's really heartbreaking to lose so much stuff in one night.

p/s: dear mr thief. I hope you get salmonella and die. Better yet, I hope you get all the diseases in the world and live a painfully torturing long life and end up dead somewhere nobody can find you. And considering you're not a christian, you'll burn in hell eternally. cheers =)

pp/s: i know there are people who are more unfortunate than me in this world by a million times, but i beseech you not to judge me, please. For some of you, it may seems like it was just a wallet. You don't know me, you dont know what am i thinking, you don't know my feelings. So i beg you to not judge me. Just let me wallow in my own misery for now. I'll be fine, I have to be.

toughest year ever

2010-09-17T23:04:00.001+08:00

This year has officially been the most difficult year ever.

The unending workloads, the overwhelming amount of stress, add in many many mishaps and such and voilà, you have yourself a hellhole.

And the fact that I had just got my wallet stolen. Seriously unbelievable. And not just that, I have to endure through being scolded by my parents, just minutes after it was stolen. Talk about having to face through so much emotions at one time. Stuffs like you deserve it and God is punishing you can be veeeeeery "comforting" at such moments.

I am really really tired now.. I don't know why do I have to work so hard but then I'm always the unlucky one. Trying so hard in life and you can barely get what you want.

On the very edge of giving up everything. Maybe God really is punishing me for not being good enough. =(

first day back at work.

2010-09-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

Finally, after one week of break, I'm back to work again.

Well, after this one week of sleeping in and staying in bed till late in the morning, getting up at 5:30 was a pain in the bollocks. Seriously tired when I tried to wake up in the morning, only to have fall back to dreamland after pressing the snooze button. But of course, one can only press the button so many times before you get truly annoyed and decides to wake up in the end (besides, I was already running late XD). So I kinda just dazed through the entire morning, not really sure what was happening most of the time.

But anyhow, last week has definitely been a good week, even though I had to say goodbye to my bestie Adrian, but at least got to spend his last night here with him! And got to have loads of supper with Dory as well. Then at least I got to rest well throughout the entire week!

Oh and just to clarify, my last post was not meant for anyone ok! No one in particular, any close-resemblance with anyone is just pure coincidence k! =D

And I have no idea what am i typing anymore. Wrote this post in a complete confusion state. O.O must be the lack of sleep, it's getting to my head now.

love.

2010-09-13T00:01:00.003+08:00

It's such a confusing thing.

Really, I just don't get it. Call me old-fashioned but my perspective on love was always as something really pure and real and lasting. Not some cheap-call relationship that started 24 hours ago and ended 24 hours later. That just doesn't make sense.

I've heard of people saying stuff like, "I love you and will be with you forever." Are you serious about that? You better keep your words. Because from what I see, they may be able to say that now but then 2 months later they'll be breaking up saying it's due to irreconcilable differences. Stuffs like, I don't like your habit and attitude and stuffs. I thought love was suppose make you compromise on those? Adore the person's good traits but then compromise on what the person fall short on? I mean, if you're gonna leave that person for those stupid excuses then let me tell you honey, that is not love. That's just you being infatuated and desperate. If you really love him/her you'll rather compromise and stay with that person forever.

Another case is something like, meeting online for 5 minutes only and out of nowhere the person pops the question, "I love you. Would you be my gf/bf?" WHOA HOLD ON REWIND BACK OFF REALITY CHECK. ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THAT? You clearly dont even know that person do you? I am sure the only thing you know is that the person looks like a human and that's probably it. How can you LOVE a person when you dont even know him/her well!! And no, knowing his/her birthday and gender and name does not count! I mean, think about it! That's probably just feelings developing for that person but that doesnt give you the right to say that 3 words yet! That just doesn't make sense okay. To love someone you're suppose to know him/her inside and out and understands that person wholly. Initially you'll have feelings for him/her and then eventually leading to "i like you and you like me" sorta stuff and only then the love comes in. I don't know, call me traditional but that's how I think it should go about.

Oh and if you really love that person, you wouldn't cheat on him/her as well. You wouldn't go telling other boys/girls that you love them as well and when you're done with them, you'll go back to the original one and start acting sorry saying stuff like I really love you or I am sorry or I am an idiot. Yes you are. Yes you really are an idiot.

I don't know. Looking around at all of these people, kinda makes me feel hostile about relationships. I think I have already reached a level of having no hopes toward relationships at all. I seriously do not know how to trust anyone. I just won't risk it, it's just not worth it.

p/s - sorry y'all. I'm not a love-guru or any sorts but I'm just saying what I think and feel right now. It's very therapeutic to write them all down.

random photos of the day pt 2

2010-09-11T14:10:00.000+08:00

more of where that came from! =D

Night view from the condominium

Morning view from the condo! =D

Kuching Airport if I am not mistaken. LOL

I love the view.

A really lazy kitty we found while having lunch!

So we decided to bully it. XD

Meet muffins! I meant the dog.

Kinda looks like the teddybear doesnt it?

Typical tea time with the besties.

Someone doesn't fancy tea time. hahaha!

I snap you, you snap me.

2nd trip to KL. Was a tad bit cloudy.

The Gardens, you've just made me adore you even more.

random photos of the day pt 1

2010-09-10T10:22:00.000+08:00

I've just realized that I rarely write posts which contain photos so hence, I shall dedicate this post to do just that!

Well, these are just a few photos that I took with my phone in the past few months. In no particular order hahahhaa =D

Cousin's cute lil' puppy.

It was feeling cold so we wrapped it with a blanket!

Sleeping soundly!

Colleague's amazing driving skill, only a piece of paper can pass through the gap in between.

Wait, is that.. HOLLYW..eh no, Kota Warisan pulak.

This was my first trip to KL this year. =D

Ah, lovely.

Yes it was coincidentally Friday when I had this!

Funny looking figurines, was feeling very down-town new york-ish

Yes, YUM.

David Garrett

2010-09-09T09:45:00.003+08:00

this guy is amazing! Why can't I play as good as him! =( hahahah!

of differentiating between work and otherwise..

2010-09-08T23:00:00.002+08:00

Anyway, so working life has been a pretty interesting experience, so to speak. Had some great time and not-so-great time as well. But from all of this, the one thing that I've learned is that being a teacher is not an easy job, and most of the students take things for granted.

I get this question a lot from everyone, "Why are teachers so hot-tempered? It seems like they are so impatient." Well, it is true that majority of the teachers are hot-tempered but if you were to go through what they have to go through, I wont be surprised any of you will turn out the same as well! Hehehe!

Anyway, allow me to summarize my most common routine everyday at work. Every morning I arrive at the office the first thing to do would be to ~~turn on the aircon and sleep~~ check the sit-in for the day. As a temporary teacher I would have to do most of the sit-ins for the absentees considering most of the other teachers would have their own classes and periods to go to. Sometimes there would be none but once I got 7 out of the maximum of 9. Talk about exhaustion!

Then the next thing to do is to wait for the paperwork to be handed by the superiors. Stuffs that have to be rushed or when they just need an extra hand to help. Most of the time I would be the one doing all of this (don't mean to brag, this isn't something to be proud of anyway LOL) since 1) I am a temporary teacher so basically the entire world thinks that I am the most free teacher that has ever existed and 2) I don't know how to say no. Seriously I don't. I am learning how to but I cannot help feeling dead-guilty after that! As if I've murdered that person, emotionally of course. I feel like before this they were all my teachers and hence, respecting them would be the wise choice.

Well, by now you would be wondering, "that's all? and this is why teacher gets upset so easily?"...kidding! I doubt you will be (..unless, you really are.). Anyway, on top of that, going to classes is a bitch. Excuse me but seriously, sometimes those classes can be one hell of a class. Disrespectful students, one trying to be louder than the other because god-knows-why, endless talking, and yeah, basically treating me like i was the invincible man. Not just that, you'll be so stressed out as in IF the principal will pass-by your class at that very moment because if he did, you have one hell of a lecture to attend to in his office later. Something about not being firm enough, I recalled. haha! Oh and imagine if i have 7 periods, meaning to say I have to go through that 7 times in a day!

So yea, endless amount of work, datelines to meet, pressure from the superiors and the departments, rowdy students, stress from trying to catch up with the syllabus and such can really push a teacher over the edge. But alas, none of the students nowadays are considerate. Some even ask me once on why are they not allowed to eat in class. Well we teachers barely have time to eat and dont you think it's disrespectful to eat in front of us? And to top it off, while we are teaching? well that clearly shows where are your attention. And I also get students asking me why do teachers throw fits just because students talk in class. Oh the agony.

Anyway, I'm still wondering if I should resign now and just enjoy the last few months of this year. I mean, teaching is fun and all but I've realized that I'm becoming very short-tempered nowadays! It's like I am half as patient as I was before! It's like i'm always angry! LOL I've turned into this hot-tempered-impatient-angry monster. I am having a hard time trying to leave the stress at work and just come home and not worry about any of that. Sometimes I'll go home but my mind would still be thinking about work ~~and some of the students who I would really like to rip their heads and limbs off parts by parts~~.

Right. I guess that's my story on my first ever job! =D

Till then.

well whaddaya know~!

2010-09-08T08:19:00.000+08:00

i guess chinese characters arent hard to master afterall!

You want wood? Just add more trees! You want forest? Add even more trees!!! HAHA!

this is very shameful

2010-09-07T23:29:00.006+08:00

extracts from CNN's "Pastor weighing plans to burn Qurans amid U.S. warnings" (7th september 2010) - full report here.

(CNN) -- The pastor of a Florida church planning to burn Qurans told CNN Tuesday while the congregation plans to go through with the action to protest the September 11, 2001 attack on the United States by al Qaeda, the church is "weighing" its intentions.

Terry Jones, pastor of Dove World Outreach Church in Gainesville, Florida, who was interviewed on CNN's "American Morning, said the congregation is taking seriously the warning from the U.S. military that the act could cause problems for American troops.

"We have firmly made up our mind, but at the same time, we are definitely praying about it," said Jones said.

"We are definitely weighing the situation. We are weighing the thing that we're about to do. What it possibly could cause. What is our actual message. What are we trying to get across."

What do you mean you are praying about it? There isn't anything to pray about! What you are doing is basically wrong and going against what the bible teaches you to do! Didn't the bible tells you to love your neighbour as one-self? Well talk about practising what you preach, pastor!

Gen. David Petraeus, the commander in Afghanistan, said the burning of Islam's holy books "could cause significant problems" for American troops overseas.

"It could endanger troops and it could endanger the overall effort in Afghanistan," Petraeus said in a statement issued Monday.

Well then Mr preacher man, stop being so selfish and start thinking about those people! Is this the message that you want to portray to the peoples of the world how we Christians are like? Full of hatred and revenge?
then he goes on to say stuff like these.

"Our message is very clear," he said. "It is not to the moderate Muslim. Our message is not a message of hate. Our message is a message of warning to the radical element of Islam, and I think what we see right now around the globe provides exactly what we're talking about," he said.

Seriously, what a load of bullcraps! I mean, does he even know what he is saying? seriously?

I am a christian and I am truly ashamed of these people's mindset and their actions. I really thought the bible thought us better. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to forgiveness? Why do I see so many Christians constantly arguing with atheists and such, shoving infos down their throat disrespectfully? Is that how you evangelize?

I know, I am no saint, I am not perfect. But this is my blog and i'm just expressing my opinions. I just believe that some christians really have to look at themselves in the mirror and give themselves a reality check. I know I do need one often times, I admit. But do you?

Till then.

sorry everyone.

2010-09-07T11:18:00.004+08:00

Hello readers! (IF there are even readers anymore HAHA)

Anyhow, really SORRY that I have not been updating my blog. Twas a really really busy and rough month. And the thought of blogging and having to use my brain to form sentences was just too much! Am so glad that finally there's a one week break or I'll probably collapse and end up in one of the psych wards nearby. LOL

Well, life has been..you've guessed it. Bleh I dont know why I keep getting myself into these kinds of mess, first Form 6 and now this. it feels like I can't give myself a smooth and easy year for a change! Bah! Anyway, workload is piling up, managed to finish off a few. Sometimes it's hard being too nice to people. I tend to forget how to say no and hence, been taken advantage off. I really should start learning to say no! These people are like vultures, constantly on a lookout for you, checking to see whenever you are free while hands ready with another pile of their own paperwork. Yeah, they expect me to finish their work for them. I KNOW I KNOW I FEEL LIKE A SUCKER LOL but well, they WERE my teachers! What was I suppose to do? Disrespect them? (Good idea now that I've come to think about it!) =( But thank God that is just the minority (mind you, even though it's just the minority, the cumulated workloads can easily wear anyone out). The others are really nice at least, respecting me as how I would to them. =)

Anyway, past few days I finally had the time to just think about stuffs (LOADS of stuff) and that got me thinking, do I seriously want to be a doctor? I mean I DO but, uhm, let me rephrase that. Do you think I WILL be able to HANDLE the stress? ahh much better.
I don't know, it got me pretty worried, listening to doctors and friends comment about med school and housemanship in the hospital; constant fire from the superiors, no working hour limits per week and earning a sad amount of money just for that. Plus, med school itself isn't easy either, with the constant burning of midnight oil and such. Really got me thinking, is it worth the pain just for all of these? Why dont I just settle for my 2nd dream? Do you really want to look like a panda?

Hello friend! You look just like me!

anyway, currently listenin to this rendition of Telephone by Lady Gaga

I really don't understand all these hoo-hah about Lady Gaga. Ok I know I've heard all these stuff about her but then I'm just listening to her songs! At least I'm not worshipping her or her musics or burning incense to her statue or something! Seriously that would've been freaky but I'm just listening to her music! Life would pretty much be very mundane if you can't listen to this or that or anything roight!

Right. Till then.

so what's the dream?

2010-08-29T13:19:00.001+08:00

To be able to play these 2 songs or to be as good as any of these violinists.

can i?

2010-08-04T00:41:00.001+08:00

Can I just not be compared to someone brighter and smarter than me for once?

Can I just not be criticized for once for everything that I do?

Can I just be sad for once and not be regarded as weak and useless?

Can I just take a break and not be deemed as being lazy?

Can I just be me for once and not be judged for the way I am?

I'm so tired of trying to be the perfect person that everyone wants me to be, to avoid confrontations and conflicts, to avoid hurting anyone's feelings, to make everyone happy while risking mine instead.

I'm tired of trying to achieve all these expectations that people have for me.

I'm just not that good. I'm not perfect.
I'm just tired of being compared already. Please give me a break.

you know..

2010-07-29T22:52:00.002+08:00

You know what I hate the most?

The thing i absolutely loathe..

..is that some people just dont know how to damn appreciate what they have.

You were the one who made the choice, who was so desperately wanting to study overseas.

If that was the case then why the hell are you complaining now? You knew you had to pay the price when you made such a big decision. You knew that you will be missing home most of the time.

then? why complain now?

you keep asking people to consider your feelings. well have you ever considered ours? we who are not financially-able to go to such places to study? even if half of the time that would be our biggest dreams come true? when we wish for it everyday but then realises that it's all just impossible? And why do we have to be tortured by listening to your whines and complains the entire time? Why don't you just give us all of your money and we'll spend them for you.

suck it up. be a man. stop complaining.

stop being a bitch. it's annoying. k thanks. =)

sorry!!

2010-07-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

been really busy these past few weeks! i will try to update A.S.A.P! PROMISE! HAHAHA

in the meantime,

Have fun listening!

p/s To Lea: Remember 2 years ago when you introduced this song to me? and then the rest of the album! CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK!! =DDDDDDD

thought of the day.

2010-06-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

I used to like being in the praise and worship team at my church. Just love singing praises and leading the congregation. I dont know why but I guess I just like singing, especially christian songs, a lot! Hahaha

But then not long after I started to get criticism from some of the people, saying that I'll sing out of tune and my voice doesn't sound very nice. And that I shouldn't even consider singing on stage ever again. So that kinda brought me down a bit. Disappointed to say the least.

But then again, now come to think of it, the reason I was being a vocalist on stage in the first place was to praise God, was to worship Him. And I know for sure that no matter if I sound like Kris Allen or a wailing banshee, He'll still love it. He'll still enjoy it. He'll take it as it is. He'll still think it's great.

And if the Creator of the universe, the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords thinks it's great, who are they to criticize? =)

Just a thought. thinkaboutit.

yello!

2010-06-20T19:24:00.006+08:00

Haha finally I've got some free time to actually sit down and type a decent post! Allow me to summarize what I've did these past many weeks!

1) Celebrated my first ever teacher's day! As a teacher!

I actually got gifts from my students! How touching!! =D

p/s: The school gave all the teachers a bunch of red pens as a token of appreciation. Obviously they want us teachers to work even harder by marking more test papers with those pens.

2) Went to a christian camp called Freedom in Christ. Absolutely amazing camp. Best 3 days ever.

someone was obviously fooling around XD

3) Had the opportunity to do an attachment at a hospital as a student.

Thank God I was under two amazing doctors.

One was Dr. Zamzuri, a malay doctor who can speak chinese, english and malay. And trust me, first glance at him and you would not even be able to guess that he is a doctor. Probably the most cheerful doctor I'd ever met! Once he was jumping while laughing in the OT. Yes. He did.

The other was Dr John Tang. Louis' dad! hahaha he's a great guy as well. A very wise and smart doctor. Was not selfish with his knowledge and was willing to teach and give me advice even if he had a line waiting for him outside his clinic. But once I was sitting in his clinic and he was explaining stuffs to his patients when all of a sudden he shot a few questions at me and my mind went blank immediately. Thank God for quick impulses.

who knows if I'll ever have the opportunity of wearing a white coat ever again right? =D

in the ~~sexy~~ scrubs! but i never did actually had the chance to "scrub" my hands tho. always walked into the OT with my dirty hands.

Me: Hey doc what is this? *poke poke*

Doc: that is the appendix. btw did you wash your hands?

Me: ...is that important?

The small room in which I seek refuge whenever ~~the patients decides to slaughter me because of some unexplainable reasons~~ there are nothing else to do. =)

Overall it was a really great experience, even though some days may get kinda exhausting. But I still love the job! =D

Anyhoo that's all for now. Will update again soon!

be right back!

2010-06-16T20:58:00.002+08:00

Okay sorry but been really really busy these past few days.
Been doing attachments at a hospital and I'm very worn out these few days.
Went to a Christian camp last week. All I can say is that God is really amazing.

Well I will update on the details when I am free. Probably next week. In the meantime, a few videos for you to reflect on!

God will never leave nor forsake us. =')

Have a good week everyone.

=D classic.

2010-06-09T18:02:00.003+08:00

I adore the little italian mouse.

"..tu sei Tom cat? tu sei Jerry mouse? Tom and Jerry? hahahah funny cartoons!" cuteness!

they just dont make them like this anymore.

I remember I used to love watching these two when I was young, and now I still do! hahaha =D
Definitely a classic. Kudos to Fred Quimby.

WOW

2010-06-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

seriously. WOW.

It's so MINDBLOWING! AMAZING! SPEECHLESS! SERIOUSLY.

I cannot believe they were tossing those people like loo rolls! O.O seriously incredible.

Please vote for them. They HAVE to win.

haa =D

2010-06-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

I want A&F's shirts please. Why must the nearest store still have to be so far away! =(

And I hate boring saturday nights. I can't wait to meet up with my friends in KL and we can go to those fancy places and have drinks. Or maybe we can go party!!

..what am i saying. bah i think i've turned into a party animal. bad. very bad.

which reminds me.

I am addicted to this song. The beat is so catchy. =D

anyway.

A&F! or Hollister! please consider opening a store closer to where i am please. preferably KL! kthanks! =D

Lord I'm amazed..

2010-05-31T19:29:00.002+08:00

..by You. <3

people..

2010-05-29T14:23:00.001+08:00

...I would like you to meet my new toy =D

Seiko Criteria Limited Edition. Only 1500 pairs in this world. And I have one of them. =DDDD

probably the most expensive accessory i've bought to date, but i think it's worth every dime.

=\

2010-05-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

bahhhhhhhhhhhhh cant believe i spent my friday night at home!! watching re-runs!

but come to think of it, if you're staying where i am now you wouldnt have anywhere else to go as well at night. bah. i miss big cities and their nightlife.

but even that, having drinks and hanging out isnt too difficult right? =\

Lea, please come back to sibu soon. I really really miss having you around. Miss hanging around at your house laughing till our tummy hurts, miss having McD, miss having teas.

and i feel like, sometimes my friends here take me for granted, treating me like their chauffeur. and the only reason they'll invite me to stuffs is only cause i can drive them there. or that's just my thought. =( shrugs.

and some of them are seriously cheapskate. cheap as hell like seriously, omg.

I AM BACK.

2010-05-28T15:02:00.007+08:00

hello everyone! yes i am back from the almost-one-month hiatus! yay! LOL

err. nevermind about that.
anyway, it has been a very long and tiring month. so much to do that i'd abandoned my blog.

so been working for 2 months now. got my paycheck few days ago(BIGBIGGRIN) but nevermind about that. i've got to say, these past 2 months have been pretty eventful. a very interesting experience indeed. I've come to realize that being a teacher is actually a very difficult job, not as easy as everyone think it is. but seldom any of the students appreciate the hard work those teachers put into. it makes me feel kinda sorry for those teacher who puts in so much effort for the students but they just dont give a damn. hmm.. *shrugs* as a teacher, we cant do much except to wish them well.
anyway, been teaching amaths and this is very very ironic since i really really dislike maths. But now i'm kinda liking that subject more and more hahaha =D

took my isat and ielts for my monash university application last month. isat was okay i guess but flunked my ielts writing paper. which means i have to retest the entire exam, again. =( what luck.

...which reminds me,

I've decided to focus entirely on my Monash University application and not depend on my government universities anymore. Even though my application from Monash has not been confirmed and quite a number of people thinks that my choice is very risky, I've decided to rely on my ability and of course, submit everything to God. This is what i call having faith.

Am holding on to that faith. =)

so nothing much exciting besides all that. Life is pretty much all work now, except that my work life is very very interesting. You have no idea what to expect everyday. sometimes it can be utterly boring and sometimes it can be so hectic you have to work overtime. But most of my friends are resigning this month since they'll be off to their respective uni soon. I think I'm the only one who decides to continue throughout the next semester. =D this is gonna be interesting.

another question i get very often is, "hey, still single?" and yes, i am still single. People asks me why. I guess I dont think i am ready(dont laugh! i know i am old!). It's just that, i dislike being in love. It gets you all tangled up, in a good and a bad way. It makes you wanna laugh and cry at the same time. and if i myself am not even ready, i dont think i should commit myself in such serious relationship. I dont wanna get anyone hurt. so, uhm, yay to
being single? hahaha until i am really sure i am ready, i'll stay single.

and i've learned that I really should care less about what other people think of me. Before this, every little criticism or comment that people have for me, I would take it so personally that it reaches the extent of trying to change myself in order to please others. Been trying to do so much of that for the past many many years to the point where i dont even know who am I anymore. But now i've learned that I cannot satisfy everyone. I am who I am and if they are my real friends, they'll accept me just as I am. Of course, some bad habits and attitudes can be changed but other than that, trying to change your entire self for someone else isnt worth it. You'll only end up hurting yourself and that other person still will not appreciate you. So what if i'm boring, or uninteresting, or way too chatty. =)

till then. ta.

=D

2010-05-06T18:26:00.000+08:00

The first time I heard this song, I loved it.

and now, after many years, I still love it.

such an awesome song. =)

Majesty - Michael W. Smith

2010-04-28T21:20:00.003+08:00

a really powerful song. :')

Your grace has found me just as I am,

empty handed but alive in Your hands.

"I have called you by name - you are mine"

few bible verses.

2010-04-27T22:59:00.002+08:00

I wanna share a few few bible verses which I find really meaningful. These are the ones which really struck me to the core.

¹ Israel, the Lord who created you says, Do not be afraid - I will save you. I have called you by name -you are mine. ² When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you. [Isaiah 43]

¹³I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. [Philipians 4]

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. [Matthew 11]

more to come! =D

wow.

2010-04-21T21:44:00.000+08:00

This kid is so good with his guitar like seriously, i feel so insignificant just listening to him playing.

..

2010-04-15T17:07:00.000+08:00

been an eventful month. too much had happened.

i dont even know why am i trying so hard sometimes. what is the point?

if only i can acquire the "i couldnt care less" attitude.

or maybe this is just another training ground from God, to prepare me for med school perhaps.

another one.

2010-04-09T17:44:00.002+08:00

No good news from MPM..

punched a hole right through my heart.. am i asking for too much God?

I dont understand why.

schedule oh schedule.

2010-04-08T18:42:00.000+08:00

I have to be the MC for the debate competition next week.

I have to sit for my ISAT test on the 30th of April

I have to sit for my IELTS test on the 8th of May.

I still have many little things to do throughout the period.

I hope nothing will go wrong! =X

awesome song!

2010-04-05T17:50:00.002+08:00

so uplifting! best song to start off every morning!

Tim Hughes - Happy Day

cant stop listening to it!!

new moon.

2010-04-05T08:51:00.000+08:00

Just watched new moon. Uhm, it's kinda alright i guess. some parts are exciting but the rest are just long, draggy and slow.

hope Eclipse will be much much better than twilight and new moon. because a different director will be directing that movie.

but then i realised k-stew can't really act well. or robert pattinson. hahahaha

in the end? the book is bajillion times better than the movie.

a few movies that i wanna watch this year =D

2010-03-28T18:56:00.000+08:00

1) how to train your dragon

2) Iron Man 2

3) Shrek 4

4) The twilight saga: eclipse

5) Despicable Me

6) The last airbender

7) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince I

choices.

2010-03-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

Started work yesterday! And all the walking and standing is not doing any good for my legs. So soreee. =(

Anyway, I'm left with 2 choices for my uni right now actually. Both has it's own pros and cons.

Choice 1: Government University
I'll get to start my uni very soon, which is around july. I think I will definitely be offered a place in one of the universities I've chosen. But then i'll be doing MD instead of MBBS, which is bad. And I'll have to stay in the universities' hostels. DX

Choice 2: Monash's University
I get to stay in my own desired place. I'll be taking MBBS. Fees are all covered by JPA, so it's free of charge. But the problem is that it starts next year. And i am not sure if I will definitely be taken in as a student or not. I dont wanna waste a year waiting for the uni and in the end my application is rejected. =(

Both uni's fees are all covered by JPA. but then both requires me to be bonded to the gov for 10 years. so obviously monash's fee seems like a better trade since it's more expensive right? =D

So? How? =(

galileo galileo galileo figarooooo

2010-03-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

well sung by the ten tenors! love the mamma mia part. so creative.

fleur du mal

2010-03-20T10:28:00.002+08:00

...

2010-03-15T11:55:00.000+08:00

Why is it that people keep telling me I should not be a doctor?

Is it because you seriously think I will not be able to make it through medical school?

Why must you all discourage me so.

i dont know what to do.

L!!!

2010-03-12T08:57:00.000+08:00

Been watching Glee these few weeks.

and I am not ashamed to admit that I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with that series. absolutely head over heels for it.

lea michele's (a.k.a rachel berry) voice blows me away. it's amazing.

makes me wanna jump up on a stage and sing a few numbers as well.

one of the song from their pilot episode.

it has arrived!

2010-03-03T16:48:00.003+08:00

FINALLY! THE PACKAGE THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

hard-covered! =DDDD happiness

=D

2010-03-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

Anyhoo.

Been doing plenty of university application these few days and I've got to say, it's a lot of hard work!

Those who leave all the application thing to those education service centres, I envy you all! =D

Now I'm just planning on trying to apply for a good local university. Or scholarships from IMU. But well, if I fail in getting any of these 2, I think I might have to wait for another year to enter Monash's School of Medicine. Why do they have to start school so early. =(

And I still find it very surreal that I actually appeared on the local newspaper. Hahaha never in my life would I imagine myself on a newspaper. And our school took the trouble to actually paste all of the newspaper articles on the notice board. =X I swear i could have died of embarrassment.

But anyway, it has been an interesting experience haha. everything is well now. it's all good.

lol!

2010-02-27T00:34:00.023+08:00

phebe! your requested post! =D

i couldnt stop laughing while reading these. some are just embarrassing hahah!

*click to enlarge*

finally.

2010-02-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

all my hard work has paid off.

is it ok if i feel proud of myself? not trying to be snobbish tho!

finally, all my hard work, paid off. =)

and all my classmates, i think you all did very well too! =) really!

i'm happy with myself. thanks everyone for all of your support these 2 years. =D

and thank God for His guidance and strength. it has been a tough journey. war has been won. =)

tomorrow.

2010-02-24T15:03:00.000+08:00

this is it.

there's no turning back.

in less than 24 hours I will finally know my results.

the results that i have been waiting for.

=\

Madina Lake - Welcome to Oblivion

2010-02-22T23:22:00.002+08:00

a good song =D kinda reminds me of paramore.

=(

2010-02-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

i've still got 4 more days to the day and i'm already having panic attacks.

O
M
G

bless my little lungs, i'm so nervous i can barely breathe.

and that was just a joke. yes it's a joke. LAUGH.

insomnia! i wonder how will i feel on the day itself. i better not pass out or get heartattacks. XD

I THOUGHT IT WAS MARCH!

2010-02-19T13:50:00.002+08:00

KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 19 (Bernama) -- The 2009 Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) will be announced on Feb 25.

The Malaysian Examinations Council (MEC), in a statement here on Friday, said candidates could obtain their results at their respective schools from 12 noon that day, while the private candidates would get their results by post.

I AM NOT READY!

I SWEAR WHEN I READ THAT NEWS MY HEART STOPPED.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I RESTART MY HEART.

CRAP I AM SCARED. THIS IS TORTURING.

...

2010-02-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

this is it.

it is done.

i dont know how to explain.

my heart is so wrenched that it feels like someone has punch a few holes through it.

30STM - Kings and Queens.

2010-02-05T22:35:00.003+08:00

currently addicted to this song

a good song with a good music video which was shot in my most fav place. =) sublime.

Casa Kimball

2010-02-03T23:00:00.001+08:00

This I LOVE.

my dream home. definitely.

the scenery, the view, the design, the pool, the..everything. it all fits together so perfectly.

=)

2010-02-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

just to fill the gap.

Muse - Undisclosed Desires; from the album The Resistance

OneRepublic - Good Life; from the album Waking Up

Better Than Ezra - Breathless; from the album Before the Robots

Kris Allen - I Need To Know; from the self-titled album