beyond the brink of exhaution

This has been a really bad week. A really very bad week. To be honest, this has been a tough month. And i feel like this pain-in-the-rear hecticness is about to continue to the next month as well..

Next week is gonna be a bitch to survive through. Bah.

And when nobody gives a damn, that's when things just get worse.

well, that's not surprising.

Why would anyone be bothered to care about your sorrow.

I'll be back.

Who do you think you are?

Christina Perri - Jar of hearts.


It's a really good song. Plus, the lyrics are very meaningful.


I know I cant take one more step towards you 
Cause all thats waiting is regret 
And don't you know im not your ghost anymore 
You lost the love 
I loved the most 

I learned to live, half alive 
And now you want me one more time 

Who do you think you are 
Runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Who do you think you are 

I hear you're asking all around 
If I am anywhere to be found 
But I have grown too strong 
To ever fall back in your arms 

It took so long just to feel alright 
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes 
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed 
Cause you broke all you're promises 

And now you're back 
You don't get to get me back 

Who do you think you are 
runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Don't come back at all 

Telephone - Glee version

I prefer this cover! Sounds fresher when it's sung by Charice and Lea!

the middle of autumn.

First of all, Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone! I hope you all had/will have a good view of the moon!

Well, quite frankly, I have no idea why is it called the Mid-Autumn festival, considering it's not exactly the middle of autumn i guess. But according to wikipedia, it actually marks the start of autumn, since the date is parallel to the autumnal equinox of the solar calendar.

But anyhow, like all the other chinese festival, this one also has it's own legends. It was believed that... you know what, after reading the story about the festival, I don't even feel like talking about it anymore because it feels like an extract from a fable - minus the moral values. Like seriously! Why on earth is a bunny and a lady on a moon. Better yet, how did they get there in the first place!

I bet they'll be feeling like desmond the moon bear.

But anyway, if you're really interested in the story, there's some information on wikipedia (links here!).

Dear Mr. Moon, you're awfully bright tonight!

This is almost customary, a must-do for every year. 

In the beginning my mum would usually help me with the candles and stuff. But since one can only replace so many candles before you get bored, she decided to give up then. And considering that I was probably the only person in the family who is the most gungho about doing these stuffs,  I took the responsibility of replacing all the candles in the lantern once it finishes...

Illuminating through the darkness~

But of course, eventually you yourself will get tired as well right.. hehehe

Comes in many different colours..

Albeit being a quiet one this year, it was still rather fun!

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone!

till then. x 

heartless.

You know, it's already painful enough that I've lost my wallet..

..but to have people constantly telling me stuff like serves you right and you deserve it really is just rubbing salt into my wounds. Like seriously, can you be any more heartless?

I know it's my fault, I know it's me being careless, but there's no need to rub it in my face! I get it okay, i seriously do. There's no need to remind me constantly. I'm trying to move on okay and you're not helping at all.

How would you feel if I turn the table around right now eh? Would you be all jolly and jumping for joy while I continue to mock you for your mishaps?

unbelievable.

aftermath

A lot of things still have not sunk in yet, sometimes I'll still be looking for it, hoping to find it. It's still heartbreaking to think of it, I've got to be honest. And there are so many times I blame myself for everything. I just hope my dad doesn't get too upset at me for losing his 12 years old LV.

Yes I am still upset. I don't know what to say. I had quite a sum of money in there last night, was thinking of depositing it into the bank later on. They were all my earnings for this month's tutoring.

Now all I can think of is what if I had been more careful? What if I had done this, or what if I had done that instead? A lot of what ifs are going through my mind now.

it's really heartbreaking to lose so much stuff in one night.

p/s: dear mr thief. I hope you get salmonella and die. Better yet, I hope you get all the diseases in the world and live a painfully torturing long life and end up dead somewhere nobody can find you. And considering you're not a christian, you'll burn in hell eternally. cheers =)

pp/s: i know there are people who are more unfortunate than me in this world by a million times, but i beseech you not to judge me, please. For some of you, it may seems like it was just a wallet. You don't know me, you dont know what am i thinking, you don't know my feelings. So i beg you to not judge me. Just let me wallow in my own misery for now. I'll be fine, I have to be.

toughest year ever

This year has officially been the most difficult year ever.

The unending workloads, the overwhelming amount of stress, add in many many mishaps and such and voilà, you have yourself a hellhole.

And the fact that I had just got my wallet stolen. Seriously unbelievable. And not just that, I have to endure through being scolded by my parents, just minutes after it was stolen. Talk about having to face through so much emotions at one time. Stuffs like you deserve it and God is punishing you can be veeeeeery "comforting" at such moments.

I am really really tired now.. I don't know why do I have to work so hard but then I'm always the unlucky one. Trying so hard in life and you can barely get what you want.

On the very edge of giving up everything. Maybe God really is punishing me for not being good enough. =(

first day back at work.

Finally, after one week of break, I'm back to work again. 

Well, after this one week of sleeping in and staying in bed till late in the morning, getting up at 5:30 was a pain in the bollocks. Seriously tired when I tried to wake up in the morning, only to have fall back to dreamland after pressing the snooze button. But of course, one can only press the button so many times before you get truly annoyed and decides to wake up in the end (besides, I was already running late XD). So I kinda just dazed through the entire morning, not really sure what was happening most of the time. 

But anyhow, last week has definitely been a good week, even though I had to say goodbye to my bestie Adrian, but at least got to spend his last night here with him! And got to have loads of supper with Dory as well. Then at least I got to rest well throughout the entire week! 

Oh and just to clarify, my last post was not meant for anyone ok! No one in particular, any close-resemblance with anyone is just pure coincidence k! =D

And I have no idea what am i typing anymore. Wrote this post in a complete confusion state. O.O must be the lack of sleep, it's getting to my head now. 

love.

It's such a confusing thing.

Really, I just don't get it. Call me old-fashioned but my perspective on love was always as something really pure and real and lasting. Not some cheap-call relationship that started 24 hours ago and ended 24 hours later. That just doesn't make sense.

I've heard of people saying stuff like, "I love you and will be with you forever." Are you serious about that? You better keep your words. Because from what I see, they may be able to say that now but then 2 months later they'll be breaking up saying it's due to irreconcilable differences. Stuffs like, I don't like your habit and attitude and stuffs. I thought love was suppose make you compromise on those? Adore the person's good traits but then compromise on what the person fall short on? I mean, if you're gonna leave that person for those stupid excuses then let me tell you honey, that is not love.  That's just you being infatuated and desperate. If you really love him/her you'll rather compromise and stay with that person forever.

Another case is something like, meeting online for 5 minutes only and out of nowhere the person pops the question, "I love you. Would you be my gf/bf?" WHOA HOLD ON REWIND BACK OFF REALITY CHECK. ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THAT? You clearly dont even know that person do you? I am sure the only thing you know is that the person looks like a human and that's probably it. How can you LOVE a person when you dont even know him/her well!! And no, knowing his/her birthday and gender and name does not count! I mean, think about it! That's probably just feelings developing for that person but that doesnt give you the right to say that 3 words yet! That just doesn't make sense okay. To love someone you're suppose to know him/her inside and out and understands that person wholly. Initially you'll have feelings for him/her and then eventually leading to "i like you and you like me" sorta stuff and only then the love comes in. I don't know, call me traditional but that's how I think it should go about.

Oh and if you really love that person, you wouldn't cheat on him/her as well. You wouldn't go telling other boys/girls that you love them as well and when you're done with them, you'll go back to the original one and start acting sorry saying stuff like I really love you or I am sorry or I am an idiot. Yes you are. Yes you really are an idiot.

I don't know. Looking around at all of these people, kinda makes me feel hostile about relationships. I think I have already reached a level of having no hopes toward relationships at all. I seriously do not know how to trust anyone. I just won't risk it, it's just not worth it.

p/s - sorry y'all. I'm not a love-guru or any sorts but I'm just saying what I think and feel right now. It's very therapeutic to write them all down.

random photos of the day pt 2

more of where that came from! =D

Night view from the condominium 

Morning view from the condo! =D

Kuching Airport if I am not mistaken. LOL

I love the view.

A really lazy kitty we found while having lunch!

So we decided to bully it. XD

Meet muffins! I meant the dog. 

Kinda looks like the teddybear doesnt it? 

Typical tea time with the besties. 

Someone doesn't fancy tea time. hahaha!

I snap you, you snap me.

2nd trip to KL. Was a tad bit cloudy.

The Gardens, you've just made me adore you even more.

random photos of the day pt 1

I've just realized that I rarely write posts which contain photos so hence, I shall dedicate this post to do just that!

Well, these are just a few photos that I took with my phone in the past few months. In no particular order hahahhaa =D

Cousin's cute lil' puppy.

 It was feeling cold so we wrapped it with a blanket!

Sleeping soundly! 

Colleague's amazing driving skill, only a piece of paper can pass through the gap in between.

Wait, is that.. HOLLYW..eh no, Kota Warisan pulak.  

This was my first trip to KL this year. =D

Ah, lovely. 

Yes it was coincidentally Friday when I had this! 

Funny looking figurines, was feeling very down-town new york-ish

Yes, YUM.

David Garrett

this guy is amazing! Why can't I play as good as him! =( hahahah!

of differentiating between work and otherwise..

Anyway, so working life has been a pretty interesting experience, so to speak. Had some great time and not-so-great time as well. But from all of this, the one thing that I've learned is that being a teacher is not an easy job, and most of the students take things for granted.

I get this question a lot from everyone, "Why are teachers so hot-tempered? It seems like they are so impatient." Well, it is true that majority of the teachers are hot-tempered but if you were to go through what they have to go through, I wont be surprised any of you will turn out the same as well! Hehehe! 

Anyway, allow me to summarize my most common routine everyday at work. Every morning I arrive at the office the first thing to do would be to turn on the aircon and sleep check the sit-in for the day. As a temporary teacher I would have to do most of the sit-ins for the absentees considering most of the other teachers would have their own classes and periods to go to. Sometimes there would be none but once I got 7 out of the maximum of 9. Talk about exhaustion!

Then the next thing to do is to wait for the paperwork to be handed by the superiors. Stuffs that have to be rushed or when they just need an extra hand to help. Most of the time I would be the one doing all of this (don't mean to brag, this isn't something to be proud of anyway LOL) since 1) I am a temporary teacher so basically the entire world thinks that I am the most free teacher that has ever existed and 2) I don't know how to say no. Seriously I don't. I am learning how to but I cannot help feeling dead-guilty after that! As if I've murdered that person, emotionally of course. I feel like before this they were all my teachers and hence, respecting them would be the wise choice.

Well, by now you would be wondering, "that's all? and this is why teacher gets upset so easily?"...kidding! I doubt you will be (..unless, you really are.). Anyway, on top of that, going to classes is a bitch. Excuse me but seriously, sometimes those classes can be one hell of a class. Disrespectful students, one trying to be louder than the other because god-knows-why, endless talking, and yeah, basically treating me like i was the invincible man. Not just that, you'll be so stressed out as in IF the principal will pass-by your class at that very moment because if he did, you have one hell of a lecture to attend to in his office later. Something about not being firm enough, I recalled. haha! Oh and imagine if i have 7 periods, meaning to say I have to go through that 7 times in a day!

So yea, endless amount of work, datelines to meet, pressure from the superiors and the departments, rowdy students, stress from trying to catch up with the syllabus and such can really push a teacher over the edge. But alas, none of the students nowadays are considerate. Some even ask me once on why are they not allowed to eat in class. Well we teachers barely have time to eat and dont you think it's disrespectful to eat in front of us? And to top it off, while we are teaching? well that clearly shows where are your attention. And I also get students asking me why do teachers throw fits just because students talk in class. Oh the agony.

Anyway, I'm still wondering if I should resign now and just enjoy the last few months of this year. I mean, teaching is fun and all but I've realized that I'm becoming very short-tempered nowadays! It's like I am half as patient as I was before! It's like i'm always angry! LOL I've turned into this hot-tempered-impatient-angry monster. I am having a hard time trying to leave the stress at work and just come home and not worry about any of that. Sometimes I'll go home but my mind would still be thinking about work and some of the students who I would really like to rip their heads and limbs off parts by parts.

Right. I guess that's my story on my first ever job! =D

Till then.

well whaddaya know~!

i guess chinese characters arent hard to master afterall!

You want wood? Just add more trees! You want forest? Add even more trees!!! HAHA!

this is very shameful

extracts from CNN's "Pastor weighing plans to burn Qurans amid U.S. warnings" (7th september 2010) - full report here.


(CNN) -- The pastor of a Florida church planning to burn Qurans told CNN Tuesday while the congregation plans to go through with the action to protest the September 11, 2001 attack on the United States by al Qaeda, the church is "weighing" its intentions. 


Terry Jones, pastor of Dove World Outreach Church in Gainesville, Florida, who was interviewed on CNN's "American Morning, said the congregation is taking seriously the warning from the U.S. military that the act could cause problems for American troops.


"We have firmly made up our mind, but at the same time, we are definitely praying about it," said Jones said.


"We are definitely weighing the situation. We are weighing the thing that we're about to do. What it possibly could cause. What is our actual message. What are we trying to get across."


What do you mean you are praying about it? There isn't anything to pray about! What you are doing is basically wrong and going against what the bible teaches you to do! Didn't the bible tells you to love your neighbour as one-self? Well talk about practising what you preach, pastor!


Gen. David Petraeus, the commander in Afghanistan, said the burning of Islam's holy books "could cause significant problems" for American troops overseas. 


"It could endanger troops and it could endanger the overall effort in Afghanistan," Petraeus said in a statement issued Monday.

Well then Mr preacher man, stop being so selfish and start thinking about those people! Is this the message that you want to portray to the peoples of the world how we Christians are like? Full of hatred and revenge?
then he goes on to say stuff like these.

"Our message is very clear," he said. "It is not to the moderate Muslim. Our message is not a message of hate. Our message is a message of warning to the radical element of Islam, and I think what we see right now around the globe provides exactly what we're talking about," he said.

Seriously, what a load of bullcraps! I mean, does he even know what he is saying? seriously? 

I am a christian and I am truly ashamed of these people's mindset and their actions. I really thought the bible thought us better. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to forgiveness? Why do I see so many Christians constantly arguing with atheists and such, shoving infos down their throat disrespectfully? Is that how you evangelize? 

I know, I am no saint, I am not perfect. But this is my blog and i'm just expressing my opinions. I just believe that some christians really have to look at themselves in the mirror and give themselves a reality check. I know I do need one often times, I admit. But do you?

Till then.

sorry everyone.

Hello readers! (IF there are even readers anymore HAHA)

Anyhow, really SORRY that I have not been updating my blog. Twas a really really busy and rough month. And the thought of blogging and having to use my brain to form sentences was just too much! Am so glad that finally there's a one week break or I'll probably collapse and end up in one of the psych wards nearby. LOL

Well, life has been..you've guessed it. Bleh I dont know why I keep getting myself into these kinds of mess, first Form 6 and now this. it feels like I can't give myself a smooth and easy year for a change! Bah! Anyway, workload is piling up, managed to finish off a few. Sometimes it's hard being too nice to people. I tend to forget how to say no and hence, been taken advantage off. I really should start learning to say no! These people are like vultures, constantly on a lookout for you, checking to see whenever you are free while hands ready with another pile of their own paperwork. Yeah, they expect me to finish their work for them. I KNOW I KNOW I FEEL LIKE A SUCKER LOL but well, they WERE my teachers! What was I suppose to do? Disrespect them? (Good idea now that I've come to think about it!) =( But thank God that is just the minority (mind you, even though it's just the minority, the cumulated workloads can easily wear anyone out). The others are really nice at least, respecting me as how I would to them. =)


Anyway, past few days I finally had the time to just think about stuffs (LOADS of stuff) and that got me thinking, do I seriously want to be a doctor? I mean I DO but, uhm, let me rephrase that. Do you think I WILL be able to HANDLE the stress? ahh much better.
I don't know, it got me pretty worried, listening to doctors and friends comment about med school and housemanship in the hospital; constant fire from the superiors, no working hour limits per week and earning a sad amount of money just for that. Plus, med school itself isn't easy either, with the constant burning of midnight oil and such. Really got me thinking, is it worth the pain just for all of these? Why dont I just settle for my 2nd dream? Do you really want to look like a panda?

Hello friend! You look just like me!

anyway, currently listenin to this rendition of Telephone by Lady Gaga

I really don't understand all these hoo-hah about Lady Gaga. Ok I know I've heard all these stuff about her but then I'm just listening to her songs! At least I'm not worshipping her or her musics or burning incense to her statue or something! Seriously that would've been freaky but I'm just listening to her music! Life would pretty much be very mundane if you can't listen to this or that or anything roight! 

Right. Till then.