guilty

Now I feel super guilty.


I was suppose to tutor one of my students this morning since he had asked for it yesterday night. But at the same time one of my besties wanted to have breakfast with me. So hence i told my students if he could just wait for me to maybe finish my breakfast then maybe we can still meet up and do our tutoring.

And so after I've finished my breakfast, I texted him, as promised. But then there were no replies from him. One text, two texts,....three texts after, still no reply!!

Did he waited for too long and hence got upset or is he just busy? I would like to say busy but seems like he's busy for a really long time!

Guilty! Guilty as charged! Off with yer head! 

self confidence?

No idea what drove me to write about this post, but anyway, as mentioned above, I've decided to talk about self confidence today! 

To be honest, I do not think I have a high self-confidence level. To be honest, I don't think I have self-confidence at all. Hahah I guess I don't think I have any acheivements to be proud off. I mean like, growing up, I was constantly compared to my brother. He was the hardworking and bright student whereas I was the weak and lazy student. So I constantly get stuff like, "Why are you so lazy?" or "Why did you get such poor results? If only you have studied harder!". I guess that's where my confidence level started to drop. Since I was always weaker in my studies compared to my bro, I started believing that maybe I can only be second best my entire life. Not to mention my brother was already good looking ever since young and, well, I was short, fat and ugly. 

Then during my secondary school years, there were a few occasion that really struck me hard. I remember I was always kinda bad in my mathematics especially during my lower secondary years. So there was once where I almost failed my maths and that's when my dad scolded me the worst. I could actually feel his disappointment in the tone he was using. I was really heartbroken that time. I thought, why am I so terrible? How could I have let him down so much? And this was not just once, but a few times as well. And considering my siblings were all good in maths so this kinda made me upset even more. I guess this is when my confidence level started dropping. I was thinking, everyone's at least good in something, some in studies, some in sports, others in co-curricular activities. How come I'm good in nothing? 

But then the first time I studied chemistry I was really happy because I finally found a subject which I can really learn and absorb well. I was really proud of myself at that very moment. That's when some people started asking me to tutor them chemistry and I would gladly accept because I thought it'll be great to help them out. Up till one day one of my friends came up to me asked me a question on chemistry and I could not answer it. to quote him, "oh you dont know this? I thought you were brilliant in chemistry! ah well, nvm then. everyone have their flaws" and yes that totally broke my heart. 

haha so i guess that's how i ended up feeling kinda crappy about myself. whenever anyone tells me that i'm good in something i'll tell them that there are other people way better than me. Even for my stpm results. Good? I don't think so because other people are getting 4As. What am I to be proud of? So yea, half of the time I can hardly believe in myself and most of the time I don't feel confident at all. and all of these goes on for so long that eventually you'll get attached to such emotions and it's really hard to get rid of them.

and yes, I am worried about medical school, after all those discouraging words by relatives and friends. 

p/s: do i write better posts when I'm emo? lol!

cuteness overload

I swear. This has to be the cutest thing I've seen this year. It's so cute I'm gonna die. Uhm, figuratively of course. XD

Anyway, I miss being a kid.

23 Random Facts.

This is just one of those "tag-games" where one person tags you and you'll have to do the game as well. Well, since I have all the time in this world now, I'll just play along! hahaha anyway these are just really random facts about me that I can think of right now. uhm, well, be bored! =D

1) I have the most tilted rib cage and bent backbone anyone has ever seen. Once I did an X-ray and the doctor was kinda shocked as to how bent my backbone was. Nope it's not straight down from the Atlas all the way to Coccygeal verterbrae. and my rib cage is kinda tilted, like the right side is slightly higher than the left side. So as to what the doctor said, these 2 causes me to hunch my back, a lot. so it gets kinda difficult if i keep a straight posture for a long period of time.

2) I wear a size 9 shoe? hahaha

3) I've been wearing spectacles since i was 12 years old and it has been anything but fun.

4) My all time favourite band is still Muse but then i'm currently addicted to The Script.

5) The few places I would really like to visit are LA, NYC, London, Paris, Bora Bora, Maldives, Stockholm, Iceland. =D

6) My most favourite subject in school would most probably be chemistry.

7) I was, am and still am single.

8) I try to look happy most of the time, even when I am not.

9) My most favourite time of the year is Christmas. I remember when I was young I'll usually be the one helping my mum decorate the christmas tree while my other siblings play. I don't know why but I was very willing to sacrifice my playtime just for that christmas tree. And now I'll be the one setting up the tree every year. =D

10) The only international places that I've been to are Singapore and Brunei Darusallam.

11) I was born on the 17th of December. I'm super happy with my birthdate since it in the holiday seasons..

12) ..but I've never had a birthday party with friends before because none wants to attend since they'll all be too busy travelling. hahahah

13) I feel most loved whenever someone spends time with me, not when they buy me stuff as how many of my friends think. I'll be so willing to drop whatever that I am doing and talk/meet a friend whenever they want.

14) I can be super shy when I'm meeting strangers or new people.

15) I am 185cm tall. =D

16) I love tea. Darjeeling, Chamomile, Earl Grey, Assam, English Breakfast and Afternoon, Chai, Japanese Ocha, white tea, black tea, yellow tea, you name it. =)

17) I always sleep with a blanket, no matter how warm the temperature is. And I'll need to hug a pillow. Without these 2 I will not be able to fall asleep.

18) I can speak mandarin but I cannot write nor read. Yes I can be classified as a real life living banana.

19) I hate conflicts. I used to have this really bad temper which usually ends up having everyone hating me but now I try to be super nice to everyone. I'll be paranoid if one day any of my friends get upset at me. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid arguments and fights with my friends. Sometimes I'll even be the one surrendering in an argument even tho it isn't my fault

20)  I have tons of nicknames, such as terry, terr, ren , renster, chiew, rence, tc, t, etc.

21) I am a neat freak. I'll go crazy if anyone digs their nose in public.

22) Because of point number 19, I am an easy victim for bullying. heh.

23) I dislike being in a crowd, because that's when I'll feel the loneliest.


well that was incredibly random.. LOL

whhaaa??

Remember "The Little Red Riding Hood?" The story that we've all heard and come to love when we were young??

WHAT in the world happened to that?? I don't recall it as being so gothic and horrifying.

done.

After 8 months, approximately 240 days and many classes after...


..my work is officially done.

Today was my last day of work. It was very sad, let me tell you. I'd never expected myself to feel this way to be honest. If you were to ask me few months ago if I was excited for this day, I would've happily answered yes...




..but now it seems otherwise. Really reluctant to go. 


As I punched out my card for the very last time, the reality finally sank in. I was really gonna leave this school. No more coming early in the morning. No more getting ready for classes. No more exercises to prepare. No more looking forward to meeting the students. 


I managed to not show too much emotion when I said my goodbyes to all my colleague, who were all once my teachers. I was still laughing and making jokes with them. But when packed up my stuff and started walking towards my car, that's when I started feeling really sad. I took a last look at the classes where I used to teach, the stairs I'll take every single time, the hall where we'll have our assembly every single time..


..I took a good look around the school.


I am going to miss this place. Never for the reason of work, but the memories. 


Started out as a naive student, knowing nothing...


...leaving as a teacher, full of memories.

5 hoover. Thank you for the amazing experience. Most teachers dread going to your class, but I look forward to meeting you guys everyday. You all are amazing people. Indirectly, we all became good friends.


5 jujur. Thank you as well. You all showed me that nothing is impossible. You all were able to do anything. Thanks for all the laughter and joy. 


4 galileo. You all were the hardest to teach, in my opinion. Hyperactive and restless, instead, you all managed to teach me the meaning of patience and perseverance. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. With that, I thank you as well. 


and to 4 newton, 5 newton and all the other classes. even though our time together was short, but it was fun while it lasted. =) thank you as well..


Till we meet again. 

it's the most wonderful time of the year..

You know what I look forward to every year??


The time when Yahoo! Music starts playing Christmas songs!!! That's when you know Christmas is near..



Today while I was turning on my Yahoo! Music player...

"Clicks on genre.."

"..browsing through genre.."

"*spots something* O.O ... is that WHAT I THINK IT IS???"

"Holiday genre - Play Holiday Pop"


"!!!!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"


yes i truly adore christmas. =)

Gavin Mikhail

This is a very brilliant cover version of Natasha's song done by him. It's the first time I heard of him and I was BLOWN AWAY by his voice. Seriously amazing. What a talent. =D

enjoy

dead man walking

currently addicted to this song by the script. enjoy!

this is hilarious.

everyone! try this one out!!


1) Go onto google
2) Go onto google maps
3) Click get directions
4) Put Japan in the first box and USA on the second
5) Go down to 27
6) Laugh

okay i swear i did not expect that at all!!! what brilliant ideas google maps have. we should really try that out. XD