=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

this is traumatizing. bah. =((((((







D= upset.

edited:
everytime i think of it i cringe in fear. i swear, it was an accident. it was an honest mistake. everytime that moment flash through my mind, that scene replays through my head, my heart shatters. nothing else. you were so helpless.


this is very very very traumatizing.

edited part 2:
still very devastated. cant get over it. did not even sleep the whole night. cant help but feel super guilty. just the thought of it makes me feel sick to the core. still wishing it was just a bad nightmare.
i dont wanna talk about it. i dont even wanna think about it. i just want to get it off my brain, forever. but the scene just keeps on flashing through my mind., like a video on replay.

..and this made my day =)

tooooooooooooo adorable!

i was *this* close (squeeze thumb and index finger together)

Seriously, I was super close to going to uk to study.


This is heartbreaking but imma blog about it anyway.


I had some help from those education consultant agency and they told me i can actually apply for a full scholarship to study pharmacy in either University of London(yes lea you read right.) or University of Sunderland. Like, sunderland is actually just a few hours away from london so yea i didnt really care where was it. I was just ecstatic to go study in UK. my ultimate dream come true.

 Then my dad did mention that if i can get a full scholarship to study in the UK he will allow me to go study in the UK and be willing to pay for the rest of the expenses.

So in the end I told my dad about the offer and he said it seems ok. Plan seems to be working. dream seems to be coming true. Finally!


....right until the part i told him the cost of the estimated living expenses.




then after a long pause..



*pause*



..he said no.

dream, ruined. again.

cause it was too expensive and was kinda heavy on my family's expenses. so yea. that i understand. totally. no hard feelings.  yeap

just that i cant help but feel sad. disappointed. I really thought for once my dream will come true.

but since my dreams nor my wishes had ever came true, it's no surprise that this one didnt work out as well. =\

well, back to reality.

i have a feeling for sure,

that i'll end up in a gov uni eventually.

those crappy unis. Dx

2009.

=D been busy these past few days! finally have some time to sit down, think and recap what had happened last year.

well, 2009 has been a rollercoaster ride. had plenty of good times, amazing times. But of course, there were some bad moments as well.

Upper 6 started very hectically and that did not subdue till stpm was over. lol phew talk about exhaustion. But i have got to say, there were some very good times as well.  had great times with my best mate in class and also some very good friends from my class and s3 as well. our teachers were amazing to us. nicest bunch of teachers i've ever had.
but then, the bad moments had its share of times as well. exams, sleepless nights due to revision, usually we will end up at the brink of exhaustion. =(

but i thought all of those hard works were well paid off in the end when i went to kl for my vacation! =D that was very fun. singapore was kinda crowded but fun nevertheless. in the end every second of my vacation was well spent. =)

then i had parties! first was ym's party(fun fun fun!) and then lea's NYE party(more fun! was the party where i realized i am gin-intolerant lolol). was a great way to end my year. best parties ever. and it was spent with the "best-est" group of people. could not have asked for anything more. that week was most probably the best week of 2009. that has got to be the good life.

so yea. 2009 was definitely a bittersweet year. mostly sweet lolol. twas a memorable year. definitely will miss some moments. but one thing that i am sure of is that there were no regrets. not even one =) life's too short to regret about anything.


that's my 2009. how bout yours? =D

=(

disappointment strikes all at once.






bah. you have no idea.

=D to cheery.

All the best in NS! even tho you might not be able to see your friends once you are back, but time will bring us all back together again. =) i will see you very very soon again.

with much blessings,

t.

a summary of my holiday =)

 1) chlo's party. awesomeness is all i can say.


2) new years eve party. amazing time as well. tried lea's malaysian sling. gotta say, that's a very nice drink. an excellent mix.


3) a farewell party for adrian. had a great time as well. =)

and not forgetting all the hangout times with bryan, ian, cheery, lea, and adrian as well.

it has been a good holiday. ever since the holidays started life has been superb. and lea coming back just made everything better.

but alas, all good things must come to an end. =\

lea and adrian will be leaving this monday. the day after tomorrow. how time flies. =( bryan and ian is gonna leave as well. so is cheery. everyone is gonna leave me! WHY.

Lea:
I had a blast this holiday, many thanks to you. Thank you for all the time we had fun together. There was never a dull moment. Thank you for all the times we chatted. Thank you for being the super awesome friend you are. there are so many things that i still wanna thank you for.  =) I wish you all the best this year and ...."chyessss" you must come back this december! LOL =D Just promise me one thing this year. No regrets. not even one. =) gonna miss ya heaps xxxxxx

Adrian (lea please show this to adrian LOL)
Teaching you chemistry was very fulfilling. It was a great experience. You are amazing. Thank you for being an amazing friend. =) All the suppers that we had after cell group, and i love how we can just talk about anything =D those were very good times. All the best in the new country. take care and i really hope to see you soon. haha i may not be the most amazing friend but pleaseee do keep in touch k. gonna miss ya loads.


=D

crap now i'm feeling reluctant. dreading for the day to come.


p/s anyway i dont think i'm gonna make any resolution for this year except for one, to dream big. and keep moving forward, even when times seemed difficult.

=D

THANK YOU LEA, BRYAN, IAN AND ADRIAN FOR THE BEST WEEK. AND THE BEST NEW YEAR EVE PARTY. EVER.

we should do this again. next year.

res 09

OH MY. 2009 is gonna end in just a few hours! and a new year is about to begin. Time surely flies.


Well, let's evaluate my resolution for this year.

1) be a better person (..not sure)
2) whine less (failed.)
3) insult less (not sure as well. LOL)
4) money spent less (...uhm...)
5) be more punctual (was i?)
6) go to church more often (...i think so.)
7) be a happier person overall/learn to appreciate (i think i failed.)
8) study very very hard for U6/get better results than last year (yay passed!)
9) do my school homework this year (define "do".)
10) exercise more (failed miserably)
11) go to KL after stpm. (YAY PASSED.)

LOL this is embarrassing.

PLEASEEEEEE

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH PLEASEEEEE GIVE ME THAT JOB!



GOD YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! I REALLY WANT THAT JOB!!!



I need a divine intervention. Help from God. A miracle from God. actually 2 miracles from God.



OH I AM BEGGING YOU!!! YES I AM THIS DESPERATE

sometimes,

you just wish you don't have to keep everything to yourself


you just wish for a helping hand and not have to solve every single problem yourself.








sometimes, you just wish for someone you can talk to all the time without worrying you'll scare/annoy that person off.

Sadly, some wishes will never be granted. 

Merry Christmas

Christmas is not about..

santa claus (never was),
presents,
christmas deco,
snow,
family gathering,
partying,
getting drunk(most stupid thing a person can do during the christmas season. complete imbeciles. pft)

but instead. i believe that christmas is..

the day where God sent His beloved Son into the world.

the day where Christ was born.

the day which made all the difference. where our future will never be the same again because of this day.

the day filled with joy, love, hope and peace.

=D a very happy christmas to all.

the best belated-birthday party. ever.

I was forced to wear the..crown. :(

 

Cheery!

Bryan and Ian!

many thanks to the 3. =) you all are the best.

for the record, I still think i look kinda retarded wearing that crown. =(

=D

Back from KL. a wonderful trip. except for the singapore part tho. too crowded. too many people on such a small island. I was worried the island was gonna sink any moments. hehehehe


Anyway, pictures up..uhm..soon. promise. eventually. =)



I still cant help but keep wondering if i have to study every other minute. It's like, I keep having this autonomic reflex to study or do homework or stuffs like that. As if I've got exam tomorrow since tomorrow is monday. I keep forgetting that it's holidays already. LOL too used to form 6 i guess.



anyway, how is my new found freedom? awesome. amazing. sweeter than anything. I love holidays. No matter how bored people keep telling me that it'll be, I'll still love the holidays. Uh-may-zing.

=)

after almost 2 years,

more than 600 days,

4 subjects,

many books,

thousand of pages,

and many trees cut down after =D

and 7 exams later,...

It is done. This is epic. this feels surreal.

I made it. We all did. =) this is a new beginning.

=)

I cannot believe it. This feels so surreal.



VERY very surreal.


Later on, I'll be having my PA paper 1.



Tomorrow I'll be having my chemistry paper 1, which is also my last paper.

 Which marks the end of form 6.

It feels like I have finally finish this journey. This battle. I've survived through the battle.

The feeling of accomplishment, it's unexplainable.

I feel like I've accomplished something very very big. =)

It has been a very very long journey.

I've reached my destination.

I have to say, it has been a very interesting journey. 2 years of intense rollercoaster ride. There were plenty of difficult times, but i have to admit, there were some amazing times as well.

Great teachers, great schoolmates, great friends who supported me. I cant help but feel blessed instead of feeling tired.

After all of this, do I regret going to form 6? I'll have to say no. I do not regret. Because there isn't anything to regret about. Even though I chose the road less taken, but I thought it was worthwhile. This experience has been very interesting. I've met some of the greatest teachers in my school, met some very interesting schoolmates and learned plenty valuable of lesson throughout this experience.

and i cant help but feel rather...smart =P hahaa

All in all, it has been a great experience. I would not have missed it for the world.

p/s: I thank my friends who have been great support throughout these times, even if I was a big whiny baby. The littlest support and motivation that you all have given me, I truly thank you all. No matter if it was a paragraph full of inspirational quotes or just a short "you can do it", I appreciate it. =) you know who you are.

 pp/s: I do believe i deserve a little break by indulging myself in some retail therapy after all of this dontcha think XD

why?

Why does it seems like my problem just never ends?


This never ending problems. The mounting amount of problems, it's so overwhelming.

Problems after problems.


I just wish I can run away to a place where no one can find me. Just for a week. so that i can rest..

and you're still putting on a happy face.

still trying to help others with their problems

when quite frankly, you have your own problem to solve.

=\

another case of insomnia?


I've been getting sleepless nights this entire week. Even if i do get some sleep it's not all great. I'll wake up like, every 30 minutes or something.


bah. too much stuff in my mind i guess.



I'll just spend this time studying my biology.

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

1) It took me 1 hour to finally be able to sign into my facebook account
2) ..and 30 minutes of non-stop attempt of signing into msn messenger.


streamyx. seriously?



i am not happy. not happy at all. if another streamyx technician asks me to check my IP and DNS thingy one more time i am gonna scream and yell profanities to him like there's no tomorrow which can put the person with the worst potty mouth to shame.

ahhaha jokes. please dont take me too seriously now. i think i am slightly insane.

But the complaints above are real! just the profanity part is..uhm..ahh nevermind.
 

anyway, on the other note..

I am leading another p&w session this sunday! after such a long time, I am starting to get worried. I mean, we are lacking musicians this week so I've decided since we've only got pianist, drummer and guitars (acoustic and bass), we might as well just do an acoustic session right? something very laid back and not very rockish. that oughta be interesting.

the problem is,
I have not sung for such a long time.




I tried practicing, and i realized i sounded like a teenage wailing banshee.


gulp.

hmm

yesterday marks the day where I'll never have to study through my Form 6 Mathematics anymore.


As i was putting away the book, I suddenly felt...


..reluctant..



I know i know. I was begging for it to be done before this. But now, after 2 years, I had no idea that it had became a part of my life. I've become so attached to it that, when I put it away, I feel like I'm shutting out a part of my life.

There's this feeling of voidness in my head. Like, something is missing.
My teachers were right. We will be too attached to all of these.

As much as I've hated maths, I've become used to the workload i guess.

My heart is reluctant to let it go.