...

a major let-down when you care for someone so much and try to be a good friend to them but they never appreciate your effort.


your way of rejecting was a real stab in the heart, just to let you know.


sorry people. going through a difficult time right now. there's just too much to handle.

and to you: sorry. things are gonna change from now on. not gonna be pushed around anymore.

want!

A Polaroid Classic Instant camera! 

I'm not trying to be greedy but this thing looks like fun! I wanna have one!

reminiscing.

He Mele No Lilo - Original Soundtrack from the 2002 Disney Animated Film "Lilo & Stitch"

This song definitely brings back memories. I remember when I first watched this movie i was very intrigued by the storyline. Noo... not because of the aliens, but because of the culture and the musics.

Call me childish. I don't know about you all but I would definitely like to feel young again (not that i am not young now XD) once in a while. =) And yes, I loved this song when I first heard it and now I still love it!

I dream of rain..

Sting ft Cheb Mami - Desert Rose

It was almost 10 years ago since the first time I heard this song. Back then I loved it!!


And after 10 years I still love it!! I like the very "middle-eastern" rhythm and distinct world-music feel kinda thingy! Hahah!

Anyhoo, enjoy!

troubled.

I seriously have no idea what I should do. I feel like every single step I make is not gonna be ok. =(

This is the situation. Basically I am teaching a Form 4 class right now and they are giving me a hard time. No they are not rude or anything. They are just really talkative. They talk and talk all the time, even when I am teaching. Even when I give them exercises to do they'll still be talking. And when I do finally ask them to pass up their homeworks some of them just copy from their friends. I feel like all they are doing is just taking advantage of me you see. And the problem is that I really want to be kind to them because I feel like if all their teachers are mean and fierce to them their schooling life is gonna be one hell to go through. In the meantime if i am not fierce to them I am afraid that they are gonna further take advantage of this situation. And when the final exam results come out I really dont wanna imagine what's gonna happen.

So what should I do? be nice to them but be fierce to them occasionally? I seriously don't know.

Meanwhile, my form 5 classes are making my life very much better. they are really a fun bunch of people. i look forward to their classes everyday.

I still have a week worth of lesson plan to type out. I have the final's testpapers to worry about, wondering if there are any mistakes in it or if every classes have enough copies in there. I'm still trying to figure out what am I gonna do for the Form 4 students considering only some of them want to listen to me doing revision with them. Half of the time I'm wondering if i will be able to mark the Form 5 final testpapers in time since the exam is just next week and maths is at the very end of the exam period. I'm thinking of the revision programme for the Form 5 students after their finals and what am I suppose to let them do. Most of the time I'm worried my boss is not happy with what I am doing and if the results drop this time I am the one to blame.

I know these sounds like a "no big deal" to any of you but i beg you pleasee don't judge me or criticise me because I am greatly saturated with criticism from my workplace, i dont need any more dosage of that thanks. Just let me wallow through my troubles and misery for now and I'll be fine later.

Stop and just look around.

This is one of the new song from David Archuleta's new album. Am still listening through the entire album and so far it's sounding brilliant! Can't wait to go and buy the album!

Anyway, happy listening! I love this song's happy and cheery vibe.

Keep on running
And you'll never get to feel the moment
It's like you're sleeping
'Cause you don't take the time to take it in


Like a train wreck
You're on a mission
Tunnel vision, got you blinded
Better slow down, before you lose ground
It'll happen anyway
Paint it over if your world is gray


When you close your eyes to see the view
You miss everything surrounding you
Stop and just
Look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around


You can build your life right on air
What you need will always be there
You stop and just look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around you


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around


Shut the window tight
But it's raining on the inside
Do you realize you're getting nowhere
But it's all laid out for you
Cut the ribbon if it starts to fray


You found a loophole that you fell in
Now you're treading water
You gotta see the hand, for it pull you out


When you close your eyes to see the view
You miss everything surrounding you
Stop and just
Look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around


You can build your life right on air
What you need will always be there
Stop and just look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around
Get up and look around you


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Look around, look around


Look around

Westlife - Safe

I love this song!

Hard to find a way to get through
It's a tragedy
Pulling at me like the stars do
You're like gravity
Even if the wind blows
It makes it hard to believe

How ya gonna love
How ya gonna feel
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real
And If you lost your way
I will keep you safe
We'll open up all the world inside
I see it come alive tonight
I will keep you safe

Doesn't even matter to you
To see what I can see
I'm crawling on the floor to reach you
I'm a wreck you see
When you're far from home now
Makes it hard to believe

We all fall down
We all feel down
Cus rainy days and summer highs
The more we pray the more we feel alive

How ya gonna love
How ya gonna feel
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real
How ya gonna love
How ya gonna feel
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real

If you've lost your way
I will keep you safe
Well open up all your world inside
So you come alive tonight
I will keep you safe

of being overloaded.

Hello everyone. Sorry I've been busy for the past few days. Had so much to do that half of the times I thought I was gonna pass out! Anyway I'd survived and I still have 3 more days to survive for this week.. =(

The reason that I'm beginning to be so busy is because one of our school's maths teacher had just went off for her maternity leave and I am the one who is suppose to replace her - which explains the sudden influx of workload. Capped with my usual sit-ins and helping out with other teachers, I had one hell of a schedule to run about! Like for example, for this week most of the teachers will be off to other schools since they were appointed as the supervisors for the PMR examination. Hence I was assigned to cover 2 of the teacher's classes.  When I compared the 3 of us' timetables, apparently some of the time I am required to be at 3 places at once! i was like "wth?" so hence i told them no i can't do it but eventually they just gave me a few periods, which, if i add it up to my own classes, is still quite a lot. I have 6 continuous lessons for tomorrow =(

I don't know. Some of my colleagues are telling me that I'm being pushed around, easily bullied. But I dont want to be rude and say no to them! I mean, they were my teachers and I still feel like they are my superiors most of the time. bahh. headache.

usually after school i will have to go home and start working on tomorrow's lesson. i'll also have to prepare for the lesson plan and such. I have questions to go through and answers to prepare.

Yes I do like being busy as it keeps my mind off from certain things. I like having stuff to do and occupying myself with works. But sometimes it can be very hectic and wearing if the workload tends to get too heavy.

beyond the brink of exhaution

This has been a really bad week. A really very bad week. To be honest, this has been a tough month. And i feel like this pain-in-the-rear hecticness is about to continue to the next month as well..

Next week is gonna be a bitch to survive through. Bah.

And when nobody gives a damn, that's when things just get worse.

well, that's not surprising.

Why would anyone be bothered to care about your sorrow.

I'll be back.

Who do you think you are?

Christina Perri - Jar of hearts.


It's a really good song. Plus, the lyrics are very meaningful.


I know I cant take one more step towards you 
Cause all thats waiting is regret 
And don't you know im not your ghost anymore 
You lost the love 
I loved the most 

I learned to live, half alive 
And now you want me one more time 

Who do you think you are 
Runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Who do you think you are 

I hear you're asking all around 
If I am anywhere to be found 
But I have grown too strong 
To ever fall back in your arms 

It took so long just to feel alright 
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes 
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed 
Cause you broke all you're promises 

And now you're back 
You don't get to get me back 

Who do you think you are 
runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Don't come back at all 

Telephone - Glee version

I prefer this cover! Sounds fresher when it's sung by Charice and Lea!

the middle of autumn.

First of all, Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone! I hope you all had/will have a good view of the moon!

Well, quite frankly, I have no idea why is it called the Mid-Autumn festival, considering it's not exactly the middle of autumn i guess. But according to wikipedia, it actually marks the start of autumn, since the date is parallel to the autumnal equinox of the solar calendar.

But anyhow, like all the other chinese festival, this one also has it's own legends. It was believed that... you know what, after reading the story about the festival, I don't even feel like talking about it anymore because it feels like an extract from a fable - minus the moral values. Like seriously! Why on earth is a bunny and a lady on a moon. Better yet, how did they get there in the first place!

I bet they'll be feeling like desmond the moon bear.

But anyway, if you're really interested in the story, there's some information on wikipedia (links here!).

Dear Mr. Moon, you're awfully bright tonight!

This is almost customary, a must-do for every year. 

In the beginning my mum would usually help me with the candles and stuff. But since one can only replace so many candles before you get bored, she decided to give up then. And considering that I was probably the only person in the family who is the most gungho about doing these stuffs,  I took the responsibility of replacing all the candles in the lantern once it finishes...

Illuminating through the darkness~

But of course, eventually you yourself will get tired as well right.. hehehe

Comes in many different colours..

Albeit being a quiet one this year, it was still rather fun!

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone!

till then. x 

heartless.

You know, it's already painful enough that I've lost my wallet..

..but to have people constantly telling me stuff like serves you right and you deserve it really is just rubbing salt into my wounds. Like seriously, can you be any more heartless?

I know it's my fault, I know it's me being careless, but there's no need to rub it in my face! I get it okay, i seriously do. There's no need to remind me constantly. I'm trying to move on okay and you're not helping at all.

How would you feel if I turn the table around right now eh? Would you be all jolly and jumping for joy while I continue to mock you for your mishaps?

unbelievable.

aftermath

A lot of things still have not sunk in yet, sometimes I'll still be looking for it, hoping to find it. It's still heartbreaking to think of it, I've got to be honest. And there are so many times I blame myself for everything. I just hope my dad doesn't get too upset at me for losing his 12 years old LV.

Yes I am still upset. I don't know what to say. I had quite a sum of money in there last night, was thinking of depositing it into the bank later on. They were all my earnings for this month's tutoring.

Now all I can think of is what if I had been more careful? What if I had done this, or what if I had done that instead? A lot of what ifs are going through my mind now.

it's really heartbreaking to lose so much stuff in one night.

p/s: dear mr thief. I hope you get salmonella and die. Better yet, I hope you get all the diseases in the world and live a painfully torturing long life and end up dead somewhere nobody can find you. And considering you're not a christian, you'll burn in hell eternally. cheers =)

pp/s: i know there are people who are more unfortunate than me in this world by a million times, but i beseech you not to judge me, please. For some of you, it may seems like it was just a wallet. You don't know me, you dont know what am i thinking, you don't know my feelings. So i beg you to not judge me. Just let me wallow in my own misery for now. I'll be fine, I have to be.

toughest year ever

This year has officially been the most difficult year ever.

The unending workloads, the overwhelming amount of stress, add in many many mishaps and such and voilà, you have yourself a hellhole.

And the fact that I had just got my wallet stolen. Seriously unbelievable. And not just that, I have to endure through being scolded by my parents, just minutes after it was stolen. Talk about having to face through so much emotions at one time. Stuffs like you deserve it and God is punishing you can be veeeeeery "comforting" at such moments.

I am really really tired now.. I don't know why do I have to work so hard but then I'm always the unlucky one. Trying so hard in life and you can barely get what you want.

On the very edge of giving up everything. Maybe God really is punishing me for not being good enough. =(

first day back at work.

Finally, after one week of break, I'm back to work again. 

Well, after this one week of sleeping in and staying in bed till late in the morning, getting up at 5:30 was a pain in the bollocks. Seriously tired when I tried to wake up in the morning, only to have fall back to dreamland after pressing the snooze button. But of course, one can only press the button so many times before you get truly annoyed and decides to wake up in the end (besides, I was already running late XD). So I kinda just dazed through the entire morning, not really sure what was happening most of the time. 

But anyhow, last week has definitely been a good week, even though I had to say goodbye to my bestie Adrian, but at least got to spend his last night here with him! And got to have loads of supper with Dory as well. Then at least I got to rest well throughout the entire week! 

Oh and just to clarify, my last post was not meant for anyone ok! No one in particular, any close-resemblance with anyone is just pure coincidence k! =D

And I have no idea what am i typing anymore. Wrote this post in a complete confusion state. O.O must be the lack of sleep, it's getting to my head now. 

love.

It's such a confusing thing.

Really, I just don't get it. Call me old-fashioned but my perspective on love was always as something really pure and real and lasting. Not some cheap-call relationship that started 24 hours ago and ended 24 hours later. That just doesn't make sense.

I've heard of people saying stuff like, "I love you and will be with you forever." Are you serious about that? You better keep your words. Because from what I see, they may be able to say that now but then 2 months later they'll be breaking up saying it's due to irreconcilable differences. Stuffs like, I don't like your habit and attitude and stuffs. I thought love was suppose make you compromise on those? Adore the person's good traits but then compromise on what the person fall short on? I mean, if you're gonna leave that person for those stupid excuses then let me tell you honey, that is not love.  That's just you being infatuated and desperate. If you really love him/her you'll rather compromise and stay with that person forever.

Another case is something like, meeting online for 5 minutes only and out of nowhere the person pops the question, "I love you. Would you be my gf/bf?" WHOA HOLD ON REWIND BACK OFF REALITY CHECK. ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THAT? You clearly dont even know that person do you? I am sure the only thing you know is that the person looks like a human and that's probably it. How can you LOVE a person when you dont even know him/her well!! And no, knowing his/her birthday and gender and name does not count! I mean, think about it! That's probably just feelings developing for that person but that doesnt give you the right to say that 3 words yet! That just doesn't make sense okay. To love someone you're suppose to know him/her inside and out and understands that person wholly. Initially you'll have feelings for him/her and then eventually leading to "i like you and you like me" sorta stuff and only then the love comes in. I don't know, call me traditional but that's how I think it should go about.

Oh and if you really love that person, you wouldn't cheat on him/her as well. You wouldn't go telling other boys/girls that you love them as well and when you're done with them, you'll go back to the original one and start acting sorry saying stuff like I really love you or I am sorry or I am an idiot. Yes you are. Yes you really are an idiot.

I don't know. Looking around at all of these people, kinda makes me feel hostile about relationships. I think I have already reached a level of having no hopes toward relationships at all. I seriously do not know how to trust anyone. I just won't risk it, it's just not worth it.

p/s - sorry y'all. I'm not a love-guru or any sorts but I'm just saying what I think and feel right now. It's very therapeutic to write them all down.

random photos of the day pt 2

more of where that came from! =D

Night view from the condominium 

Morning view from the condo! =D

Kuching Airport if I am not mistaken. LOL

I love the view.

A really lazy kitty we found while having lunch!

So we decided to bully it. XD

Meet muffins! I meant the dog. 

Kinda looks like the teddybear doesnt it? 

Typical tea time with the besties. 

Someone doesn't fancy tea time. hahaha!

I snap you, you snap me.

2nd trip to KL. Was a tad bit cloudy.

The Gardens, you've just made me adore you even more.

random photos of the day pt 1

I've just realized that I rarely write posts which contain photos so hence, I shall dedicate this post to do just that!

Well, these are just a few photos that I took with my phone in the past few months. In no particular order hahahhaa =D

Cousin's cute lil' puppy.

 It was feeling cold so we wrapped it with a blanket!

Sleeping soundly! 

Colleague's amazing driving skill, only a piece of paper can pass through the gap in between.

Wait, is that.. HOLLYW..eh no, Kota Warisan pulak.  

This was my first trip to KL this year. =D

Ah, lovely. 

Yes it was coincidentally Friday when I had this! 

Funny looking figurines, was feeling very down-town new york-ish

Yes, YUM.

David Garrett

this guy is amazing! Why can't I play as good as him! =( hahahah!